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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29049945">The Entertainer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrivingForImprovement/pseuds/StrivingForImprovement'>StrivingForImprovement</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Discussion of Abortion, Drugs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil Odin (Marvel), High School, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Loki &amp; Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Multi, Odin's A+ Parenting (Marvel), Odin's Bad Parenting (Marvel), Past Abortion, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Protective Frigga (Marvel), Protective Thor (Marvel), Protective Tony Stark, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Substance Abuse, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:41:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29049945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrivingForImprovement/pseuds/StrivingForImprovement</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Odin's friends come over it is Loki's job to make sure they're entertained. Tony wants to save him from that situation but will Loki even let him if it means giving up the only access he has to his father's love?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Trapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I figured out what I want the plot to be for this story! This was originally a one-shot in my ultimate avengers playlist collection inspired by Bad by Wale and now it's getting a full story. Warning: please be careful warnings will be posted at the beginning of each chapter but check the tags. It's not a happy story, at least at first, and I don't want anyone to get triggered from the content. For anyone who read the one shot, this version includes a prequel so would read chapter one. Chapters 2 and 3 aren't much different from the one shot version.</p><p>Warning: Talk about coerced sex with a minor, nothing graphic but still they're talking about it. Also Odin evil. Like seriously evil like complete bad guy terrible evil.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Many thought Odin was a shrewd and cruel business man who would do anything to get what he wanted. Those people were right. There were no 'and's' or 'but's' to add to the statement, the man was brutal. He didn't care who he used or what he did to get his way, he had single handedly amassed one of the biggest fortunes in the history or the United States and he planned to keep it. So when he was told he could be making millions of dollars to let some people have one night with his youngest son, he said yes without so much as batting an eye.</p><p>His son, Loki, who had just only turned fourteen was an abomination to him. He didn't like him, he didn't want him, he had even begged Frigga at one point for them to give him away. She had not been happy about that conversation and the only thing that made him let it go was her telling him that if he got rid of Loki, he could say goodbye to her too because she was leaving. He wasn't even his! Well, technically speaking he was by blood but he didn't have any of the Odinson spirit! He lacked all of the characteristics and personality traits Odin respected in a man, a complete opposite of his first son whom he adored. If Odin was in a fire and he could only save one of his sons, he would pick Thor every time. Then again if he was in a burning building and he could save both of his sons, he still might only pick Thor.</p><p>The man who offered him this deal wasn't the first he had caught looking at his son. There had been quite a few for the past year. Even when Loki was young he had the habit of looking older than he actually was not because of his features themselves, though his height definitely helped, but because of the maturity and the royal air he carried about him. Since he turned thirteen he had people coming up to him asking his son's age, their intentions clear and impure. At first, in his confusion as to why anyone would look at Loki as anything but a little wretch, he let his disgust at their question cloud his business instinct. He would tell them all the boy's real age and then persuade many of them to go when his youth wasn't enough of an issue to them. Then, he had a conversation with a good friend of his, Howard Stark and he shed some unseen light on the situation.</p><p>"If I were you, I'd do it."</p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"Let them sleep with him. For a fee, of course."</p><p>"What!" Odin's roar of disgust did nothing to faze Howards who continued smoking his cigar peacefully as if nothing had just happened. "The boy's thirteen and goes running to his mommy every time anything happens to him. Frigga would never stand for anything happening to that child."</p><p>"Look," Howard said taking another hit of his cigar to stall for time "It's a really simple fix. All you have to do is do it when the boy's mommy isn't home. Tony used to get the same way when I'd beat him, running off to Maria as if she was his personal savior. I just wait until she's off on vacation or out with her friends now, that way once it's over he won't be able to run for her to lick his wounds."</p><p>"How do you keep him quiet when she comes back though?"</p><p>"It's all about incentive Odin. I give him something he wants in exchange for staying silent when Maria gets back home. He'll do anything to keep me from getting rid of that little butler of his, Jarvis. It was a difficult compromise for him at first but he learned, he gets to keep the petty servant and all he has to do is not tell Maria anything."</p><p>Odin hummed in thought, thoroughly considering what his friend said. "What would I even give the little squirt?"</p><p>Howard shrugged. "What's something he wants? Something he wouldn't be able to get any other way?"</p><p>Then it hit him. It was so obvious he wanted to laugh. He knew something he could give his son he would never be able to get for the rest of his life otherwise, but there was still one last problem. "Are you sure anyone's even gonna want to pay enough to make all this worth it?"</p><p>"I'd throw a few mil on our next deal for a night with the kid."</p><p>Odin hummed in thought for a second, thinking about the offer. "Add another zero and you've got a deal. You'll get to have him first after all."</p><p>Howard chuckled and shook the man's hand, satisfied with the deal he just made. "Excellent."</p><p>Their next deal was going to happen in another year, Odin decided not to put that time to waste. He never showed much love to his second before all of this was arranged, but afterwards Loki would be lucky if his father spoke one word to him at a time, and never mind looking at him. He praised Thor like it was going out of style for even the smallest of things but for his youngest, he couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge he was alive.</p><p>It hurt Loki a lot. Ever since they were very little, Loki had always tried to get his father's attention both in good and bad ways. He had cleaned, he had played pranks, he had gotten good grades, he had set the school on fire. The most he would get was a scolding look and an annoyed grunt but at least it was something. Then suddenly, Loki couldn't even get that anymore. His father wouldn't look at him, wouldn't speak to him, he wouldn't say his name. When anyone mentioned him in a conversation he pretended like he didn't hear them even when Loki was standing right there. By the time he was thirteen and a half, Loki was completely rid of all hope that one day his father would love him and cried himself to sleep most nights hoping for a day when that would change and his father would say that he loved him. So when the day did come, Loki couldn't be bothered to see the evil in the situation even if it was right there in front of him.</p><p>"Loki could you come here a second? I need to speak with you."</p><p>Loki looked around the room, half sarcastically half actually wondering if his father was talking to anyone else besides him. He never wanted to speak to him or called him by name. This couldn't be real.</p><p>"Yes father?"</p><p>There was no one else in the room. Frigga was out on business, Thor was at football practice and all of the workers knew not to be in this wing at this time. This was the time his father usually reserved just for himself and no one was to disturb him in it, ever. </p><p>"Do you remember Mr. Stark who you met last week?"</p><p>"Yes father, I remember him." He wanted to say that he had met Howard Stark many times being best friends with his son and all but Loki refused to ruin the moment with his sarcastic commentary. </p><p>"He's coming by tonight and we're signing off on a huge deal. He's willing to throw a bit more money into that deal if you'll... entertain him tonight."</p><p>Loki was immediately paralyzed at the way his dad said entertain. He hugged his arms around himself, a defense mechanism he used when he was scared and casually decided to look everywhere but his father's face. "What exactly does he mean by entertain?"</p><p>"He means exactly what he says Loki, entertain."</p><p>"Oh." Loki was so quiet it was basically a whisper. He wasn't delusional. He knew what his father was asking The thought of sleeping with a grown man, his best friend's father, was terrifying. He was fourteen. He was a virgin! He had never thought a question like this would be posed to him and he he always assumed he was too smart to make such obviously dumb decisions, so he was a bit ashamed at himself for briefly considered it because of who was asking. He shouldn't say yes, it was clearer than a blue sky on a sky on a cloudless bad, he should obviously say no.</p><p>Then, he looked up when he felt Odin's hand on his shoulder. Not the punishing grip he used to give him when he was doing something bad or trying to drag him from something, this touch was gentle. It was calm and loving and parental. He looked up and saw his father looking at him, his one eye practically begging.</p><p>"Please son."</p><p>That was all it took, two words from a man who hadn't said a kind word to him in any of the years he'd been alive. He nodded silently, unsure but willing to do anything for Odin if it meant getting his love.</p><p>Odin knew he had him, the boy was his hook line and sinker but still he decided to go for the skill shot: the one thing that would ensure that Loki was his forever.</p><p>"Thank you son. I love you."</p><p>Loki looked like he was in a trance. Those three words kept going through his mind on repeat. He couldn't think of anything else. Odin sat back and finished reading his book, not even noticing when Loki finally left the room, no doubt still shocked. He laughed manically, excited at the prospects of this new arrangement and called Howard to let him know that the boy was ready.</p><p>Over the next few years, Loki consistently performed for his friends no matter who they were, young old male female dominant submissive he did it all. Odin could see the discomfort on his face whenever he asked or the way he would want to say no but as soon as he uttered those three little words, his son did whatever he said like a dog on a leash. Even that bit of resistance faded out and he just agreed without a word. During other times, when he wasn't asking his son to give out his body he was business as usual, not even bothering to look at his son when he came into a room.</p><p>It was devastating and it only made the effects of his proclaimed love whenever he wanted his son to perform for him that much stronger and it was more profitable than Odin could've ever imagined. Business deals doubled, and even tripled over night.  Business people who never wanted to speak to him before were suddenly eager to make a deal. If he had suspected the boy would be this popular... Well hindsight was twenty twenty and Odin liked to focus on the now and right now, he had another deal coming in with a bit  extra going his way for a night of his son's services. He looked around on the monitors, making sure no one was near his son's room and quickly went and knocked on his door. Loki looked tired, skinny as a rail and had a few bruises all around his neck from his last appointment. Odin shrugged. nothing a sandwich and a bottle of makeup wouldn't fix. </p><p>"Hi father, can I help you?"</p><p>Odin smiled at him, thinking about all of the money he was about to make, that was the only thing currently in his presence that he loved, the money and he would do anything to make it.</p><p>"Hi son. I need you to entertain somebody for me."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. He Doesn't Really Love You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter two! The next few chapters will be identical plot-wise to the one-shot. I changed a few things and it definitely reads different but if you've read the one-shot and you skip them you wont miss anything from the story. Also for clarity, Tony and Loki are seventeen in this story and Thor is eighteen.</p><p>Warnings: coerced sex with a minor but once again nothing graphic</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loki and Thor were packing up the last of their belongings after breakfast when Odin walked into the kitchen to grab a quick bite.</p><p>"Good morning father." two voices chimed simultaneously. </p><p>"Good morning Thor. Did your teacher get the message I sent her about letting you redo your test?"</p><p>"Yes, she said she'll be giving me a new one on Friday before football practice."</p><p>"Good. Don't forget to study let me know if you need me to get someone to help you."</p><p>Thor beamed from ear to ear while Loki sulked further into his chair trying to physically escape the room without going anywhere. Ignored again. That wasn't a new feeling. Loki genuinely wished his father would pay attention to him, acknowledge him at all to show that he cared. Then again the only time his dad did acknowledge him was when...</p><p>"Loki I need to talk to you for a second before you go."</p><p>Loki's heart skipped a beat. From fear or excitement, he wasn't sure which. He was excited because his father was acknowledging him, he was getting the attention he so greatly desired but he was also scared because his father only ever acknowledged him for one reason.</p><p>Thor finished packing away the contents of his stuff and swung his book bag over his shoulder. "Do you want me to wait for you brother?" His brother's protective instincts showed through just a little bit even if he didn't quite know what it was that he was protecting his brother from. In his mind, there was nothing in this house that could harm his younger sibling. After all, the only other person in here was their father.</p><p>Odin went to wave him off but Loki beat him to it. "No Thor it's fine. Pick which car we're taking while you wait you take so long to chose anyways."</p><p>Thor chuckled at his brother's joking tone and headed towards the garage shrugging off his protective nature. Thor wasn't always the most understanding brother in the whole world, in fact, he could be quite dense at the worst of times, but everyone knew that if anyone ever touched his little brother, he would gladly put his fist through their skull, a fact he had proved several times in the past which was exactly why he couldn't be allowed to hear this conversation.</p><p>Thor disappeared down the hallway and Odin waited a full extra minute after his footsteps faded before he turned to his youngest son who was looking at him with knowing eyes. That was one of the things hated about Loki. The boy was too sharp, he knew too much he observed too much. He was sneaky and quiet and could find out any secret he wanted to just by his craftiness alone. Now wasn't the time to think about how annoying his son was though. Now was the time for a business deal.</p><p>"A client of mine will be coming into town tonight to work out the finer points of a deal that will make us both a lot of money and I need to make sure he's kept happy while he's in town so, I need you to entertain him."</p><p>Loki let out an internal sigh of disappointment. Every now and again he let himself imagine when Odin was about to speak to him that it would be about something else, that he would be praised for something, or that he would be told he loved him without having to agree to <em>this </em>first but alas, it was always in vain. Odin had only one reason to acknowledge his youngest son and this was it. To entertain. Loki ducked his head so Odin wouldn't see the look of disappointment in his eye.</p><p>"Sure. How long is he staying?"</p><p>"Just the night. He'll be done talking to me about business around ten or so. Feel free to take care of him then and Loki," Loki looked up hesitantly despite knowing better and melted like he always did when he saw the love and care in Odin's eye "thank you, son. I love you."</p><p>Loki's eyes grew glassy but he quickly grabbed his things and headed towards the garage before his father could see. "Love you too." He muttered under his breath but he knew Odin heard it and with that, their deal was sealed.</p><p>Loki entered the garage to see his brother sitting behind the wheel of a Chevrolet Corvette fresh off the lot. He approached the small car, confused. "Why'd you pick this one? You hate small cars."</p><p>Thor shrugged. "I've heard things about how fun it is to drive. I want to see just how fast we can go."</p><p>Loki rolled his eyes unsurprised and got in the passenger side of the car. "Just make sure you don't get us pulled over again. We're already running late as it is."</p><p>"In my defense, we probably would've been on time with that last ticket if you hadn't argued with the police officer."</p><p>Loki scoffed. "Please, he started it. He asked if he could search the car I said no. We had all the correct papers and you had your license. He just wanted to bust a couple of teenagers for having drugs or alcohol or something."</p><p>"To be fair we did have both drugs and alcohol in the car."</p><p>"Yes, but he didn't know that."</p><p>Thor chuckled and leaned back in the driver's seat excitedly and swerved out of the garage hitting 60 before they even left the driveway. Loki tried fiddling with the radio but gave up while throwing his hands above him in exasperation. He couldn't hear anything over the wind in his ears with how fast his brother was going. Leave it to Thor, in all his wisdom, to leave the top down while hitting speeds in the triple digits. Loki looked around the car for a hair tie to fix the damage the wind was doing to his locks. It was an exercise in futility, all of their dad's cars were kept spotless and any traces that anyone had been in them were promptly removed as soon as the vehicle was brought back to the garage. He sat back, sulking, for the rest of the drive resigning himself to the bad hair day already tired and annoyed at how the day was starting.</p><p>When they finally reached the school they were surprised to see a car as auspicious as theirs sitting there in the lot. "Look! Tony's here!"</p><p>"Yes, it appears so and on time. A pig will probably fly by soon." Thor chuckled and parked next to the crimson red Maserati without a second thought. The two brothers got out of the car and headed towards the school.</p><p>"By the way, what did you and father talk about this morning."</p><p>Loki lazily looked over in his brother's direction. "Wouldn't you like to know. Maybe we were talking about what to get you for your birthday. it is coming up you know."</p><p>Thor's face lit up in delight, sure that was what his brother and his father had been discussing when they sent him away. 'If only you knew.' There was only one person besides his father and his clients who knew about Loki's secret and Loki wished even he didn't know about it.</p><p>"I wonder if we'll be able to find him." Thor mused before they walked through the doors of the large school. As soon as they did, they realized their worries were unfounded as Tony was right there, back to them with his tongue down some random girl's throat. The students, far too used to Tony's antics, walked by as if nothing was happening and the teachers literally looked the other way to avoid a confrontation with the junior. Loki walked up to the pair, making a face of disgust when he had to hear the embarrassing moans the girl under him was making. Honestly, who did she think she was?</p><p>"Ahem."</p><p>As soon as he heard Loki behind him, Tony ended the kiss and turned around with a wide grin on his face. "Frosty! Good to see you!"</p><p>Loki rolled his eyes and turned his eyes to the girl who was still standing there for some reason as if she was waiting for Tony to get back to her. He sent her a sharp glare to let her know her presence was no longer necessary and her stubborn face quickly faded as she retreated down the hallway. There weren't many people in the school who were willing to fight Loki on anything being that he one, belonged to one of the most powerful families in the country, two, his brother would murder anyone who touched him, and three, he was more than willing and able to turn anyone's life who upset him into a living hell. Tony looked after her for a second and pouted at Loki. "Awww why'd you go and do that I was having fin!"</p><p>Loki rolled his eyes. "You know I don't like being call 'frosty.'"</p><p>Tony chuckled. "Not my fault you always act so ice cold." He turned from one sibling to the other. "Hey, Thor how's it hanging?"</p><p>"It's good to see you Tony, and on time too! Loki and I were quite surprised."</p><p>Tony shrugged happily. "What can I say, after all of Loki's rants about getting to school on time I guess he finally rubbed off on me."</p><p>"If I had known this would be the result I would've told you to stay home." Loki rolled his eyes and Tony just laughed. </p><p>Thor searched around and found his group of friends, a wide smile breaking out on his face as soon as he saw them. "I'm going to class Loki, I'll see you at lunch."</p><p>Loki nodded and watched as Thor made his way over to his group of friends. As soon as he was there, Loki and Tony turned down the hall and started heading towards homeroom.</p><p>"So my parents aren't going to be home tonight," Tony started when they got halfway down the hallway.</p><p>"Your parents aren't home most nights." Loki interjected casually.</p><p>"Anyways! They're going to be gone for a few days so I'm throwing a party tonight and you have to come."</p><p>"I have to?" Loki said amused at how excited his friend looked for what would no doubt be a fun-filled evening of overindulging in every one of Tony's vices.</p><p>"Yes! Come on Lokes when the last time you came to one of my parties?"</p><p>"Last Thursday."</p><p>"Yeah see that was like five parties ago!"</p><p>Loki chuckled but then his face got a little bit more guilty and he looked away from his friend. "I can't. I have a prior obligation I have to attend to tonight."</p><p>Tony's face turned stormy, immediately catching on to what his friend was saying. "Really? What <em>kind </em>of prior obligation?"</p><p>Loki groaned not having enough energy to handle the conversation that was about to happen. "Tony not right now..."</p><p>"When then Loki? When would you rather we talk about this? When would you rather we discuss how bad of an idea your <em>prior obligations</em> are?"</p><p>Loki sighed and turned down the hall away from their homeroom towards the unused class in the science ring of the school. It had once housed an advanced physics class that Odin had quickly gotten rid of after one of the teachers failed Thor. They ducked inside the familiar space and locked the door, moving away from the sightline of the classroom window.</p><p>"Again? Seriously?"</p><p>"Please don't start" Loki started, rubbing at his temples "I already have a headache."</p><p>"Oh so to be clear, your father pimping you out is just a-ok but a headache, that's an intolerable evil."</p><p>Loki glared at Tony, way too tired for this today. "You know I don't have a choice."</p><p>"Of course you do!" Tony shouted. "Say no! Say 'I will not sleep with your clients so you can get money' Loki!"</p><p>"And lose all of my access to his love? All of it gone, just like that. You of all people should know why I won't do it, why I keep doing this for him."</p><p>Tony groaned, frustrated. The truth was, for all of his screamings and begging with Loki, and there had been a lot of both, he completely understood. There was a time when he would've done anything for Howard's love and if Howard had come to Tony at that time the same way Odin came to Loki, he would've done it no questions asked but those times were long gone. Tony no longer held any love or hope for it for his father. Ever since what happened to Jarvis, he had nothing for his father but anger and hate. Loki wasn't there yet, he didn't want to lose hope of one day receiving his father's love and even though Tony understood, it still killed him to see what his best friend was going through and it made him more and more desperate by the day to convince him to stop.</p><p>Tony went over and took hold of Lokiand held him in his arms, letting the taller boy rest his head on his shoulder and running his fingers through his hair soothingly. "Loki I understand you don't want to lose your father's love, I get that but you have to see what he's doing ot you. He's using you Lokes, I know you know that."</p><p>Loki stayed silent, letting himself be comforted by the engineer even though they both knew it wasn't much help and it wouldn't change anything. When the night came and Loki was sitting in his room deciding whether or not he would go please his father's client, he would do it. He would always do it.</p><p>"He doesn't even really love you."</p><p>Loki sighed slightly, the familiar words no longer having any sting behind them and eliciting no reaction. It was what Tony said at the end of every conversation they had like this and they both already knew what Loki would say. They both knew what he would always say.</p><p>"I know."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Right Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for discussions of sex with a minor in this chapter, same as always. There is also some underage drug use in this one. Points to anyone who immediately recognize the formula Loki's talking about when he helps Thor with his homework. I know it's not that hard but I loved math and that formula has been burned into my memory forever so I wanted to throw it in. I even remember the song! Anyways please enjoy and let me know what you think.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That day Tony and Loki headed for the car both physically and mentally exhausted after fighting so much. They had snuck off to the classroom two more times to argue about the same topic before noon each time ending in the same stalemate. Loki had looked tired and pissed off by the time lunch rolled around which was good because he was tired and pissed. Most people knew to stay away from him when he got like this but there were two people whom his sour mood had absolutely no effect on and he had lunch with both of them. It had not gone well.</p><p>"Are you ok brother? You don't look well."</p><p>Loki fought back his urge to snap at Thor with a sarcastic comment, knowing that he wasn't the cause of his anger. "Yes, Thor I'm fine." He put his head in his hands willing the headache that was still with him from earlier to go away.</p><p>"Are you sure? You're not coming down with something are you?" Thor reached out a hand to feel Loki's forehead.</p><p>Loki flinched back violently when Thor's hand suddenly appeared in his peripheral vision. His head snapped up, ready to verbally bite his brother's head off for the action but paused and slowly closed his mouth when he saw the apologetic and startled look already on his brother's face. Loki didn't like things coming at him unexpectedly, a fact his brother very well knew. He should have seen the hand coming his way before it got that close but he had closed his eyes briefly to try and keep himself together. So much for that. He put as much patience in his voice as he had and tried to calm Thor down.</p><p>"Look, brother, I'm fine. If anything were wrong I would tell you." That was a lie. "I'm tired and stressed, there's a test next period and I really don't want to fail it."</p><p>That technically speaking wasn't false. He did have a test next period and really he did want to pass it. Thor just laughed heartily, the thought of his brother worrying over a test comical to him. "I don't think I've ever seen you fail a test before in your life Loki. You'll be fine. If that's all you're worried about, you need to relax. You'll probably get another A like you always do." Thor stood up from the table and gave his brother a supportive pat on the back. "I'm going to go get another sandwich from the lunch line, do you want anything?"</p><p>"Can you get me another chocolate pudding?" Thor smiled at him and nodded, happy his brother didn't look like he wanted to scream at him anymore. "Thank you, Thor."</p><p>As soon as Thor left the table Tony appeared at it, still looking happy. Loki could tell that it was now forced. "Hey, buttercup you look cheerful."</p><p>Loki glared. "Don't even start with me right now. You're the reason why I'm in such a terrible mood in the first place."</p><p>"Really, me?" Tony said trying to sound hurt but not completely covering up the annoyed tone in his voice. "I could've sworn it was the man who keeps giving you away to everyone and their mother like candy on Halloween that was the problem but sure Loki, go ahead, get mad at me."</p><p>"Would you keep your voice down!" Loki hissed through clenched teeth. "We're not having this conversation again and we're definitely not doing it here of all places so just leave it alone Stark."</p><p>"No." Tony sat back in his chair arms crossed over his chest and looking quite stubborn. Loki wanted to scream or throw something or punch that perfect jawline but he didn't do any of those things. He was too tired. </p><p>"You're not going to change my mind. You know that right? You're not going to convince me to stop."</p><p>Tony shrugged. "I'm not going to stop trying either. I won't just let you go back there to get treated like that without at least telling you that you shouldn't allow it for yourself. I don't care how many times you say no, I'm still going to keep fighting."</p><p>"It's a losing battle Stark." The two fell silent for a moment as Loki pushed around the food on his tray, suddenly a lot less hungry. "It's not your fault you know. If I keep going back, it's not your fault." The look in Tony's eyes as he looked away said it all. "Tony..."</p><p>"I know it's your decision Lokes and I know that no one can make you do anything but I just can't help thinking that if I could just find the right combination of words or say them at the right time or..."</p><p>Loki shook his head sadly. "There is no right time Tony. There are no right words. You're a genius, if there was a way to phrase this that was going to convince me you would have found it by now. It doesn't exist. I'm going to keep doing it because I want to, because what I get in exchange, even as meager as it is, is still more than enough pay to continue."</p><p>Tony looked bitter. He felt bitter. "I hope one day something happens to change your perception of that man. I hope someday you see something that makes you realize it's not worth it and that the man you keep pretending he is, the kind-hearted father who will grow to love you one day, doesn't actually exist."</p><p>Loki stared at him, hurt. "Like what happened with you and Jarvis? I saw how you were after that happened. Would you really wish that on me?"</p><p>"When Jarvis 'disappeared' after he tried to defend me from my dad I thought I would never heal from that. I thought I would never be ok again. It was painful Loki, it really was but it taught me who Howard really was and I needed that lesson. I couldn't hold onto the lie of who I wanted him to be anymore after that and suddenly I was free. Freer than I was before that, at least."</p><p>"You think that will happen to me?"</p><p>"If it breaks you of this curse, I hope it does."</p><p>Loki shook his head. "You built an entirely new Jarvis, a computer who could take care of you the same way the real one did and do all of the things the real one did. You never really lost him in a way. What will be left for me once I let myself see Odin for who he really is? What will I do then? Who will be my dad Tony?"</p><p>Just then Thor returned to the table food in hand, jolly as ever. "Loki they didn't have any more chocolate pudding left so I got you... vanilla... Is everything alright?"</p><p>"Yes Thor, Anthony is just trying to convince me to attend another one of his little parties he's hosting tonight."</p><p>Thor shrugged. "Sounds like fun, why don't you go?"</p><p>"I have studying to do."</p><p>Thor rolled his eyes. "You always have studying to do brother, it's all you ever spend your time on."</p><p>"Yeah wouldn't want you to miss out on your <em>studying</em>" Tony muttered.</p><p>Loki took the pudding cup gratefully and quickly set about eating it, happy to let the previous conversation die as he stuffed his face. He couldn't believe they had this talk in the cafeteria. What a stupid choice. Luckily for them, no one was paying attention. He listened with only half interest as Tony and Thor struck up a conversation about something he didn't care about and refused to pay attention to but every now and then Loki would catch Tony's eyes as he looked at him with unmasked fear and concern and Loki could tell he was still looking desperately for the right words to say.</p><p>Tony and Loki got into the car in complete silence. Thor would be at school for the next few hours at football practice. They both sat there silently as Tony fiddled around with the different dials and knobs, refusing to meet Loki's gaze, trying to make his voice sound casual. "So where do you want to go? We could go to Wendy's or hit up the theater and see a movie. I know that new Barnes and Nobles you were excited about just opened up we could go visit there or if you want we could go see-"</p><p>"Tony," Loki interjected calmly "I have to go home."</p><p>Tony paused, hands clutching the steering wheel tight in his hand refusing to move. "You know, that offer's still always open to you." He said quietly. "You can come over to my place. I can call off the party, I was just doing it to piss off Howard anyways. We could chill at the house, watch bad movies and eat popcorn just you and me." Loki took one of his hands in his, stroking the back of his knuckle with his thumb gently. Tony put his head against the steering wheel, falling apart slightly in front of him. "Please Loki, <em>please</em>."</p><p>"I have to go home."</p><p>Tony turned, refusing to let Loki see the tears shimmer in his eyes as he shook his head. Another failed attempt, another night his best friend would suffer.</p><p>The drive back to the house was completely silent. Tony followed every speed limit, stopped at every stop sign, and didn't even speed up to beat the yellow light trying to give Loki more time to change his mind. The drive was still over all too quickly. Tony looked at him, giving him one last pleading look as he pulled into the driveway, all of the words he did say and wanted to say all bundled up in that one last pleading gaze. <em>Don't Go</em>.</p><p>Loki smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you for the ride, Tony."</p><p>Tony sat back, finally admitting defeat for the day. "Anytime princess."</p><p>Loki gave him a quick peck on the cheek and jumped out of the car, going inside the house.</p><p>When he walked in he was surprised to see his father giving a tour to a middle-aged man in a gray suit with neatly kept face and hair. Obviously someone with money. "Ahh son, come meet our gest I was just giving him a tour of the house. William, you've met my son before haven't you?"</p><p>"No, but the pleasure is all mine. I've heard a lot about you young man."</p><p>'I'm sure you have.' Loki put on his most charming smile and shook the man's hand. "It's nice to meet you, sir. Welcome to our home."</p><p>"Come now, sir was my father's name you don't have to call me that."</p><p>"What would you like me to call you?" Loki let the slightest hint of an innuendo touch his voice and he saw the man greedily eating it up. How revolting.</p><p>Luckily for him, Odin interjected at that moment breaking up the charade. "Come now William, let's not crowd the boy. I'm sure he has some schoolwork or something to do right about now." Loki took his cue to leave and left his father alone with their guest. He quickly made his way up the stairs but didn't miss the man's eyes on his rear as he ran up the steps.</p><p>As soon as he got to his room he shut and locked the door behind him and quickly fell into his bed. His room was one of the only places in the world that made him feel safe and he let himself indulge in that feeling if only for a moment, letting all the stress of the day wash away. He decided to drift off into a short nap before he started on with the rest of his day. He needed a second to let himself forget, to fade into unconsciousness where his problems no longer existed and he couldn't be hurt.</p><p>He woke up hours later with a sigh and let the peaceful illusion around him break around him, bringing him back to the real world. He got up and got ready for all the things he had to do that night. First, he pulled out the obscene amount of homework he had to do, mentally cursing himself not for the first time for his decision to take all advanced classes. Next, he cleaned himself head to toe sighing peacefully in the shower letting the water take away all the stress from him. He absolutely loved the feeling of being clean. Then he set about carefully preparing himself. He had learned long ago that it was always better to do it himself when he was about to entertain a male guest. Most of the men he slept with didn't take the time to prepare him correctly or sometimes, at all. Loki winced at the memories of those nights.</p><p>He walked into his room, still drying off his hair, and quickly grabbed the last thing he needed for this process from his nightstand: any kind of intoxicant he could find. Loki had used a number of things to help him forget about the pain of these experiences. He'd used alcohol, weed, cocaine, acid, even heroin once. That had been a mistake. He could still hear Tony yelling at him at the top of his lungs for that one when he called him to come and get him after he had taken a bit too much and he agreed he would never take it again but that didn't stop him from using everything else. He knew he was wrong when his friend who did more drugs than most of the adults he knew combined was telling him he had messed up. Tonight wasn't anything that toxic though. Not to him at least. He quickly rolled a blunt and sat down beside his window and looked out at the night sky stretching before him. It was already nine. He slowly inhaled the smoke and blew a few lazy smoke rings into the air waiting for the clock to finish its unmerciful march towards ten. He heard a knock on his door and got up to open it.</p><p>"Brother, can you help me with my math homework?"</p><p>Loki sighed trying to ignore the puppy dog look on Thor's face. "Why can't you do it yourself? Most of it is just formulas anyways, all you have to do is just plug it in and solve it."</p><p>"You're just so much better at it than me though! You've always been better with numbers I need your help!"</p><p>Loki rolled his eyes. "Flattery will not get you everywhere Thor." Unfortunately for Loki, his puppy dog eyes would. He sighed again loudly and threw the door open ignoring Thor's excited squeal as he walked into his brother's room. Loki picked his blunt back up from the window sill and went over to his desk pulling up another chair for his brother. He made a sound of annoyance when Thor plucked the perfectly rolled joint from his brother's fingers and took a puff earning him a glare from his younger sibling. "You know, one day you'll get drug tested by your coach and get thrown off the team for that."</p><p>Thor shrugged. "Dad will take care of it." That statement hurt Loki in ways Thor would never know but he brushed it off and looked over the work his brother gave him. He sighed and took another long drag. He had been doing stuff like this three years ago. His brother wasn't stupid, he was sure Thor could figure this out if he actually tried to or stayed awake in class but why try when your brother could help you with your work anyways and your dad could fix your grades with a phone call?</p><p>"Ok look, all you need to do is just plug this into the correct formula. Do you remember the formula?"</p><p>Loki watched as Thor's face screwed up in concentration trying to remember. "X equals b plus... the square of...."</p><p>Loki sighed and took pity on his brother grabbing his pencil and writing the formula out. "X equals negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four times a times c divided by two times a."</p><p>"Which ones are a, b, and c again?" Loki facepalmed, exasperated. This was going to be a long night.</p><p>As much as he complained about it, he didn't really mind helping Thor with his homework. He just wished he didn't ask such stupid questions. He spent the last hour of his night helping his brother out, smoking more and more as the time went by with Thor stealing hits ever now and again. By the time they were done, Thor was only slightly intoxicated but Loki was almost entirely gone. </p><p>"So then you plug this in and divide these two and do that and the answer is... four or three!"</p><p>"Yes!" Loki said, happy his brother finally got the formula. "See it's simple."</p><p>"It's simple when you explain it. I swear the teacher makes it sound ten times more complicated than you ever do. Hey, we're doing two-factor Punnett squares tomorrow in biology. Do you think you can help me with them?"</p><p>"Of course I can just try to pay attention in class when your teacher explains it so I don't have to start from the bare basics. I can't stay up all night teaching you, I have beauty rest to get to you know."</p><p>"I thought you were studying tonight anyways."</p><p>Loki froze cursing at forgetting his premade excuse, quickly searching through his heavily drug-addled mind for an explanation before Thor got suspicious. He quickly turned to his brother and rolled his eyes. "I am studying tonight Thor. <em>T</em><em>omorrow </em>is Friday I can study and still sleep in all I want."</p><p>Thor shrugged and left the room, satisfied with the excuse with his papers in hand. Loki sighed in relief. That was way too close. Speaking of, that was his time. He hoped his father hadn't promised the man a certain time because if so he was a bit late. No matter, it's not like the man would want him any less when he got there. He quickly changes clothes and peaked out his door to make sure Thor wasn't in the hallway anymore before he slowly crept out of his room and made his way to the east wing of the house. When he got there he took one last deep breath, steeling his nerves before he knocked on the door placing a sultry look firm on his face.</p><p>The door opened a second later to reveal his client, leering down at him like he was a piece of prey. 'Well,' he thought sourly 'it's not inaccurate.' "Hello, beautiful." The man purred before he pulled Loki into the room and slammed him back against the door, eager to get started. Loki pressed his smaller frame back into the door slightly as he wrapped himself around the man, eager for it to end.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Aftercare and Side Effects</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You guys might get two updates today, I don't know yet I have to get a few details of the story worked out but this chapter includes a small look inside of Tony's head with all of this. Warnings for coerced sex with a minor and descriptions of injuries please enjoy and tell me what you think and for anyone who was curious, the formula Loki used in the last chapter was the Quadratic formula which is used to solve quadratic functions, a true blast from the past. Raise your hand if you used that after high school.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loki practically fell into his seat at the kitchen table the next morning, sore and tired. It had been a long night and even though he had been careful to prepare himself beforehand, it could only do so much in the end. He put his head down on the table and focused on ignoring the pain coming from his rear end. Thor jogged downstairs a few minutes later, book bag in hand and ready for the day. He paused when he looked at his little brother. He clearly was not having the same type of morning. "Good morning brother, how are you feeling today?"</p><p>"Peachy Thor. Simply peachy."</p><p>Thor looked at him, concerned. "Are you going to school today?"</p><p>"Yes, Thor."</p><p>"Are you sure that's a good idea?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>, Thor."</p><p>The older Odinson hesitated a second, wishing he could discourage Loki from going to school a bit more without starting a terrible fight. In the end, he conceded to his brother and committed to keeping a closer eye on him that day.</p><p>Thor sat down at the table and started eating a stack of pancakes the chefs already had waiting for him. Odin walked in suddenly, morning paper in hand. "Good morning Thor."</p><p>"Good morning father."</p><p>'<em>Good morning Thor</em>' Loki mentally mocked, knowing that Odin would never tell him good morning like that. He shouldn't feel this annoyed by such a simple thing but he <em>was</em> this annoyed today and he hated it. It was honestly ridiculous! Here he was looking and feeling like crap warmed over and then tossed out a window and Odin couldn't even be bothered to notice that his younger son was pained and suffering.</p><p>"Loki, are you feeling alright?"</p><p>"Huh?" Loki looked up to see his father suddenly shooting him a calculating look.</p><p>"You look like you're coming down with something. You may have to stay home from school today."</p><p>Loki mentally groaned immediately picking up on what this was about. Thor looked over at him happy his father had said something. "You looked a little under the weather yesterday at lunch too. I know you don't want to but I really think you should stay home from school today brother." Loki nodded silently, forcing himself not to make a face. Thor smiled relieved. His brother was going to rest today. "Do you want me to grab your schoolwork from your teachers?"</p><p>Loki nodded. "Yes thank you Thor that'd be great." Thor smiled at him and left for the garage.</p><p>"I have another client coming today and she only has time to see you in the daytime." Loki sighed. This wasn't unheard of. It rarely happened, seeing as how it raised too much suspicion for perfect grades Mr. studious Loki to miss a lot of classes but when Odin had a particularly high-paying client he sometimes made certain exceptions. "She likes to play a bit rough."  Another exception. This person must really be swimming in cash. </p><p>"When is she getting in?"</p><p>"In an hour. She'll talk to me for a little bit and then she'll meet you in the guest room. She wants you tied down and blindfolded by the time she gets there."</p><p>Loki nodded his agreement and got up as soon as Odin said his part of the deal. "Oh, and by the way," Loki turned back towards him expectantly "good work son." Loku nodded and limped upstairs.</p><p>Normally, Odin didn't let anyone 'play rough' with Loki. His clients couldn't even leave a hickey on him, a practice Odin had started after the principal asked Odin why his son was coming into school with suspicious bruises. The bruises also made him less valuable to subsequent buyers so rough play was usually a no-go. The exception, however, was that if someone had enough money to make it worth Loki being out of work, they could do whatever they wanted with him. <em>W</em><em>hatever</em> they wanted. No safe words, no limits, nothing. It was often brutal. </p><p>As terrible as the rough sessions were, there was an upside to them. Until all of the marks and bruises faded from his skin, Loki wouldn't have to entertain a single guest, the only caveat being that he also couldn't go out in public and had to avoid his brother at all costs until he went back to normal. His father would make some excuse as to why he had been out of school the subsequent days, probably illness, and he would spend all of his time with a certain genius, just the two of them alone and unbothered and at peace with the world until he healed. His heart fluttered slightly in a familiar fashion at the thought and he pushed it away, quickly putting on his outfit and speeding through the rest of his process before heading to the room assigned for guests of the manor.</p><p>He walked over to the dresser and triple checked to make sure no one was nearby, a wholly unnecessary precaution. He opened the bottom drawer of the dresser and lifted out the false bottom to reveal restraints of all different sizes, strengths, and restrictions level. Normally he was required to try and pick something tailored to his client's taste but he had no idea who he was going to be with so he grabbed a simple pair of black arm cuffs and the blindfold to match and headed towards the bed to strap himself down.</p><p>When he finished he lay there waiting, trying not to succumb to his exhaustion and fall asleep right on the mattress, letting his fear at the situation keep him up. He needed to be alert so that he could hear when the door opened and listen for any clues about what exactly he was getting into. He didn't have to wait long and about thirty minutes later, the door opened.</p><p>"Are you ready for this boy?" The voice of the woman was different. He'd never had this client before, he'd have to figure out what she liked as they went. He heard a whip crack somewhere to his side and fought the urge to cringe away instinctually. </p><p>"Yes, I'm ready" Loki grunted in pain as the whip landed on him, an angry red mark forming across his ribs.</p><p>"You're ready <em>what</em>?" Another warning crack sounded to his right and he chided himself for making such a silly mistake.</p><p>"I'm ready ma'am."</p><p>The woman chuckled and approached him slowly. "Oh, I think I'm going to like you."</p><hr/><p>Tony sighed again melting down deeper into his desk trying to physically escape the classroom without going anywhere. He looked to the empty seat next to him sadly. He missed Loki. He had been surprised when he came to homeroom his usual amount of late and didn't see the black-haired teen anywhere. When he saw Thor at lunch and asked about it, he said his brother was resting at home because he was sick, which Tony found very interesting because Loki didn't get sick. Ever. Thor had no way of knowing that, his brother always put up a good act around him but he had no reason to lie about his true reasons to Tony. Tony already knew.</p><p>He sighed again. He was still upset about the fight from yesterday, an oldie but a goodie that always left them both angry and exhausted every time they talked about it. Tony had planned on apologizing to Loki by taking him out after school today. He was excited for it too, a day with just the two of them, alone. The last time they had gotten to chill together seemed like ages ago and he was happy to make up for the lost time but unfortunately, the person he was trying to be alone with was unavailable right now.</p><p>Tony got up quickly and darted from the room as soon as the final bell rang, so excited to be out of this place. As soon as he got to the parking lot, he heard his phone ring. He looked at the caller ID (a bunch of winter emojis that would have no context to anyone else) and picked it up excitedly. "Angelface it's so good to hear your voice, how ya been."</p><p>"Well let's see, I've been strapped to a bed for almost eight hours, beaten within an inch of my life, and was forced to miss a day of school so not one of my favorites so far." He flinched slightly at Loki's tired anger but he knew it wasn't directed at him.</p><p>"I'm sorry Lokes. Do you need me to get you anything?"</p><p>"Actually I was wondering if you could pick me up."</p><p>"Oh?" Tony said, his chances of getting to spend time with his best friend suddenly going up a lot.</p><p>"Since my guest for today wanted to play rough, I'll be getting the next few days off and I wanted to spend it with my favorite headache."</p><p>"You already live with Thor." Tony could practically feel Loki's eyes roll but he didn't care he was feeling way too many things right now.</p><p>"Speaking of whom, he was supposed to get my work for me today. I need you to grab it for me. I don't want to fall behind on my work and I can't let him see me looking like this."</p><p>"Yeah ok but just as a warning, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is <em>this</em>." The silence was very telling. Tony sighed and nodded. "Right. Ok let me grab the papers from your brother then I'll come and grab you and take you back to the house. "</p><p>"Thank you, Tony."</p><p>"No problem princess."</p><p>Tony hung up the phone and quickly walked back into the school to find Thor. He was very conflicted. He was going to see his best friend! He was going to have to take care of his best friend's injuries. He wasn't going to have to sleep with anyone for a while! He was getting that time off because he had been beaten severely. He had a lot of mixed emotions right now.</p><p>Tony walked into the locker room to see Thor already there getting dressed and joking with his buddies ready for practice. "Hey there Macho Man, you got Loki's school work."</p><p>"Hi, Tony! I have it, I was going to give it to Loki when I got home today."</p><p>"Yeah, a slight change of plans. I'm going to take it to him."</p><p>Thor shook his head. "I don't think you want to do that today Tony. He's sick and you might fall ill too if you go to see him today."</p><p>Tony shrugged. "Sorry, chief. He wanted to get a start on it before you got home."</p><p>"Be that as it may, I don't want you getting sick either Tony. I don't know what Loki has, but it looked quite bad when I saw him this morning."</p><p>"It's ok I just talked to him a little while ago, I've already had what he has I won't get sick. Besides, you have a big game coming up. I know it would just crush him to see you miss it because you got infected, then he'd feel sick and guilty." Tony felt bad. He was laying it on a bit thick and lying to Thor always felt like telling a golden retriever you were going to the park and then going to the vet instead to have them neutered. Still, it was better than the alternative of letting Thor see his little brother's face right now.</p><p>Thor looked hesitant. Tony was trustworthy, he would never do anything to his brother but he just couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong here. Everything in him was telling him to give his brother his work himself but the thought of his brother lying in bed weak and fragile and feeling guilty too was too terrible. Thor sighed and conceded. "It's in my bookbag."</p><p>"Thanks, Thor!" Tony quickly went about grabbing the stack of papers from Thor's bookbag.</p><p>"Tony?" Tony turned back to face Thor.</p><p>"Yeah, man?"</p><p>"Can you just... Make sure he's ok for me? When you go to give him his papers." Thor looked anxious and Tony felt another pang of guilt. Thor knew something was wrong, he'd known something was wrong for years. He just couldn't make sense of what it was. Too many details were hidden or carefully disguised for him to ever stumble onto the truth by himself, but he was constantly filled with a sense of dread and anguish over his little brother as if something terrible was happening.</p><p>Not for the first time, Tony wanted to tell Thor about this whole situation. He would never let this keep happening, he would end it all and protect his brother better than Tony ever could, but Loki had once told him exactly what he'd do if Tony ever told his mother or his brother about what was going on. He forced a smile and nodded.</p><p>"Sure thing buddy."</p><p>Thor smiled relieved. "Thank you, Tony. I'm glad my brother has a friend like you. Someone who can protect him." He needed to escape.</p><hr/><p>Loki groaned loudly when he had to get up from his spot on the floor to go answer his bedroom door. He had just found a spot that was slightly less painful than the rest. He opened it to see the blurry image of Tony standing there smiling with a stack of papers in his hands.</p><p>"Hey Loki I'm here and I- What happened to your face!"</p><p>"No, really, scream it at the top of your lungs it's not like I'm sensitive about it or anything." He muttered under his breath, a confession he would only make to Tony.</p><p>"Oh, Lokes..." Tony quickly walked inside the room and locked the door behind him. He sighed and walked to the other side of the room away from Loki. "Walk to me."</p><p>Loki looked away as he silently limped his way over to Tony. He could see the boy wince from his spot at the other side of the room. That was bad. He stopped in front of him waiting for the next prompt.</p><p>"Raise your arms up." Loki did, his right arm shaking a bit with the effort.</p><p>"What hurts?"</p><p>"Everything."</p><p>"What hurts" Tony repeated calmly.</p><p>Loki bit back a sarcastic reply and answered. "Head arms neck chest back stomach legs and anus."</p><p>"How much does it hurt."</p><p>"Which part?" Loki bit back sarcastically.</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. "All of it Princess."</p><p>"Eight." Tony sighed and nodded. This entire process was way too familiar.</p><p>He sat down on the edge of Loki's bed, observant eyes never leaving his friend in case he showed signs of discomfort anywhere else so he could mentally document it. "Wanna tell me what happened?"</p><p>"Not really."</p><p>"Ok, let me rephrase that then. What happened?"</p><p>Loki got a stubborn set in his jaw but he let it die quickly knowing that if he didn't tell Anthony what was wrong with him, Anthony would assume the worst and treat him like a dying patient even more than he was already planning to. "My client today apparently had a thing for impact play, as well as whips and a literal chain."</p><p>"She tied you up with a chain?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Tony was going to be sick. "Ok come on. I'll give you a more thorough check once we get to the house."</p><p>"Yippee," Loki said with sarcasm. </p><p>He went over to his stuff already packed into a little suitcase, which Tony immediately took before he could reach it and carried it with a glare. "What part of severely injured are you not getting for yourself?" He walked off before Loki could protest and made his way out of the room and out of the house. When they got to the car Tony realized he had forgotten another question he usually asked during his little 'medical exams'. "Can you sit?"</p><p>Loki nodded. "Just please don't drive like a maniac today." Tony nodded and Loki slid into the car with only a few grunts of discomfort.</p><hr/><p>As soon as Tony and Loki walked into the house, Tony walking, Loki half being carried, Tony got to work. "Jarvis activate Aftercare protocol."</p><p>"Sir aftercare protocol has been activated."</p><p>"Thanks, J." The entire house was now locked down and all video and audio surveillance would be conveniently interrupted until the code was lifted. "Where do you want to go?"</p><p>"Couch." He ground out. Tony led him over to the furniture and he immediately fell down on it face first with a relieved sigh.</p><p>"Do you want me to put you in a position that's more comfortable?"</p><p>Loki shook his head, his limbs a random mess across the surface of the couch. "There is no position that's 'more comfortable'. Start your exam doctor."</p><p>Tony shook his head. "Not without getting you some pain meds first princess. You're strong but you have limits."</p><p>Loki groaned weakly. "I don't like that stuff."</p><p>"I know you don't but you need it right now. I don't even know how you're talking to me right now as it is you can't be bandaged without it. I'll be right back." Tony ran out of the room quickly trying not to think about Loki's face. As soon as he was a safe distance away he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands and fell apart. His left eye was black and his right eye was swollen completely shut. His nose was slightly crooked and he had bruises everywhere, some even on his temple. There were hand prints on his neck. His lips were bruised and swollen and there was a bad cut on his jaw and that was all just his face! He knew that there were more marks waiting for him and they were probably worse.</p><p><em>I was strapped to a bed for nearly eight hours beaten within an inch of my life</em>.</p><p><em>I'm glad my brother has a friend like you. Someone who can protect him</em>.</p><p>Tony wiped a tear from his eye. 'Your brother deserves someone much better than me Point Break.' He slowly got up from the wall with a sigh. "Jarvis where's the antiseptic bandages and the pain meds?"</p><p>"All in your bathroom sir."</p><p>"Thank you, J. If he tries to get up or move, alert me immediately."</p><p>"Yes Sir."</p><p>Tony quickly ran to his bathroom and grabbed all of the items he needed from under the sink, including a very effective not on the market Stark Industries pain killer. It completely shut down all pain receptors in the body making the person taking it feel nothing at all. Tony swiped a small bottle from the lab every now and again for just such occasions. It was great for helping him get Loki in better shape but it did come with one side effect that the Stark scientists hadn't quite worked out yet.</p><p>Tony appeared back in the living room where Loki was still lying calmly on the bed, breathing a bit too shallow for Tony's liking. He set all of the equipment down on the coffee table and turned to Loki, pulling a small amount of the drug out of the vial with a syringe and making sure it was the proper amount. "Alright princess, arm out. The least injured one."</p><p>Loki turned to him, enough fear in his eyes to make Tony choke up. "Please, please Tony don't. Do it without it, I'll be fine."</p><p>Tony shook his head trying not to cry. "Lokes you know you can't. The last time we tried you almost went into shock. I can't let you risk that, you have to take this."</p><p>Both boys had tears streaming down their faces as Loki put his arm out and Tony quickly injected the drug in his vein. Tony took the needle and threw it in a plastic bag afterward and wiped his eyes.</p><p>"Jarvis set a timer for two hours."</p><p>"Timer started sir." The two looked grim.</p><p>Two hours until Loki would no longer have control over his own mind, his every thought coming out an unfiltered mess of revelations and things he would never say otherwise. Then, once it was done, he would have no memory of it and the only person who would know what had happened was Tony. It was like being blackout drunk but turned up to a million. It was the most trust Loki had ever put in a person before and he hated it, not because he didn't trust Tony but because Tony now had to carry even more secrets about Loki that he didn't deserve to be burdened with. Tony still remembered the first time he had given Loki the drug.</p><p>
  <em>"Do you want to know how I got these scars?" Loki said, doing his best joker impression with a laugh. Tony was not in a joking mood and looked absolutely livid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I would love to know how you got them Loki! They're absolutely terrifying and when I find the person who gave them to you..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know the person who gave them to me, you know them very well actually."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I do?!" Tony suddenly looked up at him surprised momentarily forgetting about his previous task. "Well, who was it!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Loki stayed quiet for a few seconds before "Do you really want to know how I got them?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony paused for a moment and looked up at his friend shocked. He sounded so small, so scared. For the first time, Tony considered that maybe he didn't want to know what caused these marks, maybe he would deeply regret that information but he couldn't do that. He couldn't see his friend like this broken and beaten like this and just shrug it off. "Yes. I want to know." He whispered, trying to brace himself for what he was about to hear.</em>
</p><p>That was the first time Tony had to bandage Loki. Neither of them had known the side effect of the drug at the time and they weren't ready for what happened once Loki had taken it. Tony had thrown up at least three times after that conversation. Loki didn't spare a single detail, not a single one. Including the name of the man who did it to him. Tony wished he could skin Howard alive. Slowly.</p><p>"Let me know when it starts to kick in."</p><p>"It already is," Loki said lifting himself up and sitting on the couch normally.</p><p>"Do you want me to start now?"</p><p>"Yeah, let's get this over with."</p><p>Loki slowly stripped off his clothes, already knowing that's what Stark would ask him to do, and stared at the wall to his left as his best friend assessed the damage. Luckily, Loki had a whole routine before these types of clients to make sure nothing would scar but that didn't stop the marks from looking how they looked now.</p><p>Two ribs were broken, he had cuts and bruises all up and down his body, there were long rows of bruises on each of his legs that looked suspiciously like where the woman had hit him with a chain and when he took his shirt and his pants off, Tony realized that they were pasted on to him with blood. There was more skin on him that was damaged and bruise than there was skin that wasn't. He silently set to cleaning everything up, checking for internal and external damage alike. "Did you already check your... down there?" Tony asked in the middle of the cleaning. Loki nodded.</p><p>"Some slight tearing but nothing that'll do permanent damage. I'll be sore for a few days but I'll heal." Tony nodded. It was the only part of himself that Tony let Loki check himself. When he got to his back he paused.</p><p>"What in the world did she use to cause this!"</p><p>Loki sighed, getting more and more tired as the adrenaline from the day wore off. "I don't know but it felt like it had more than one end on it. I was blindfolded."</p><p>"I think it had teeth too. This is a lot of damage Lokes." Criss-crossing lined ran all up and down Loki's back, more than Tony could count. They were bleeding profusely and whatever she had used had taken quite a bit of skin with it. Tony was happy the drug was in full effect now because he didn't know how Loki would handle him cleaning them now without it. He didn't know how he was able to sit back in the car with it besides sheer willpower and a tolerance to pain that no one should have at their age.</p><p>Tony finished cleaning all of Loki's wounds, the entire process taking an hour and a half.</p><p>"Jarvis how much longer on the timer?"</p><p>"Thirty minutes sir until the side effects kick in." Tony nodded gravely.</p><p>He looked up at Loki who was looking at him with pleading eyes. "Stay with me." Tony nodded and grabbed a nearby blanket off an armchair and draped it around them. He left all of the medical supplies on the table, he would clean it up later and instead picked up the remote and turned on the TV. He put his arm around Loki as he cuddled up to him sighing deeply.</p><p>"Anything special you want to watch princess?"</p><p>The boy shook his head in his arms. "Just want to be with you." Tony planted a soft kiss on his forehead and laid down, the two boys laying calmly on top of them as he put on a Disney flick.</p><p>The thirty minutes rolled by quickly and before they knew it, Jarvis was informing them that the time was up. Loki tried to fight the effects like he always did, trying with everything in his power to fend off the inevitable word vomit but he was only delaying what was guaranteed to come, and sooner than he would've liked, he lost that battle.</p><p>"Mmmmmm" Loki hummed suddenly moving closer to Tony than he already was pressing his lips on the genius's neck. "Tooooooony. I want a kiss."</p><p>Tony sighed and sat up, moving as far away from Loki as the couch would allow. Loki looked at him and pouted but Tony just stayed firmly in as far away as he could get and stared stubbornly at the TV.</p><p>Loki humphed in protest and crossed his arms. "Why won't you kiss me?"</p><p>"I kiss you all the time, I just gave you a kiss on the forehead earlier."</p><p>"Not like that. I mean a real kiss."</p><p><em>Because you're currently drugged and vulnerable. </em>"Because you're my best friend."</p><p>Loki looked like he didn't believe him. "I bet you would kiss me if I looked like that girl from school you were with the other day."</p><p>"Who Susie? I don't even like her like that."</p><p>"Then why did you kiss her?"</p><p><em>To distract me from thoughts of you. Didn't work</em>. "Needed something fun to do."</p><p>"Hm." Loki leaned a little closer to Tony, letting his "You know I like you right?"</p><p>"Yes, I know you like me Loki."</p><p>"As more than a friend right?"</p><p>"...Yes Loki, I know."</p><p>"So why haven't you ever asked me out?"</p><p>"You're not sober right now."</p><p>"Then why don't you ask me out when I am sober?"</p><p>Tony stared at Loki's bandaged face for what felt like forever. <em>Because I'm not good enough for you. Because I can't keep you safe. Because I don't want to scare you away. Because I need you in my life and I couldn't bear losing you that way. Because I'm not worthy. B</em><em>ecause you would never let me love you when you're so dependent on Odin's love. Because I love you too way too much and it's killing me not to tell you, but I'll die before I ever do anything to hurt you. </em>"Go to sleep Loki. It's getting late."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Vacation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two updates one day. I must really like you guys. This one is a bit shorter since the last chapter was such a doosey. Honestly I should've broken that down into two but I just really wanted it all in one post. I figured there's been enough pain and suffering so far so this chapter is going to be mostly fluff. I don't even think there are any warnings to give which is nice! Enjoy the break from the heartache, it's not going to last.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loki woke up in the middle of the night groggy and confused. He shifted to his side slightly and winced, noticing that he was heavily bandaged and naked. Nothing new there. He turned his head slightly and saw Tony sitting there looking at him, exhaustion and concern clear in his eyes. "Tony?" He was so groggy and his head hurt a little bit along with every other body part on him.</p><p>"Hey princess."</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"You got beat up by a client and I brought you here and bandaged you."</p><p>"Did you give me the pain meds?" Tony nodded and Loki winced. "Do I want to know what I said?"</p><p>"Probably not" Tony whispered both physically and emotionally exhausted from earlier. Loki had stayed awake for hours and he had said <em>a lot</em>.</p><p>He gave a thoughtful hum and put his hand gently on his friend's face and stroked his cheek with his thumb. Tony leaned into the touch, happy to have his friend with him. "Let's get some sleep."</p><p>Tony chuckled, that was the best thing he'd heard all night, and planted a small kiss on Loki's forehead. "Anything for you princess." The two drifted off moments later, Loki feeling safe and secure. There were only two places in the world where Loki felt absolutely safe, as if nothing could touch him. The first was his room. The second was Tony's arms.</p><hr/><p>Loki woke up later that day, slightly less groggy and a lot less sleepy. There was also someone missing from the couch. He made a sound of frustration and annoyance. "Tony!"</p><p>"Right here princess, I'm still here." Loki could hear the genius but he couldn't see him. It made him even more frustrated.</p><p>"Where are you?"</p><p>"I'm in my room grabbing things for you for this morning."</p><p>"Then why can I hear you?"</p><p>"I have Jarvis playing my voice through the speakers right now. I needed to grab you some stuff, new clothes new bandages get to shower ready for you, the works."</p><p>Loki sighed contently, happy now that he understood. He sank back down into the couch knowing he would be taken care of. "Thank you, Tony."</p><p>There was a slight pause and then "You're welcome Loki." It was said with such love, such care. Loki muffled his dreamy sigh in the couch cushions. What was he, twelve?</p><p>True to his word, Tony was soon back and guiding him to the shower. He took off all of Loki's old bandages and stripped down himself before helping Loki into the shower, neither one of the boys uncomfortable with the intimate position.</p><p>Loki sat down on the shower bench on the opposite side of the water while Tony filled up a pitcher with water to dump over him. Loki hissed and arched instinctually away from the water when it hit him but Tony was there with calm words and gentle kisses on his shoulders to make it all better. It made the whole thing bearable. The process took a while but soon enough it was done and they were both walking out of the bathroom, wrapped in towels and squeaky clean.</p><p>Loki sat down on Tony's bed and waited as patiently as possible as Tony redressed all of his wounds and gave him a much milder pain reliever with much more manageable side effects. Loki redressed in some of the clothes he brought with him and the pair made their way back to the living room to relax.</p><p>"You want to order something?"</p><p>"Sure what're you in the mood for?"</p><p>Loki shrugged. "I don't know, surprise me."</p><p>Tony turned to the ceiling. "You heard the man Jarvis."</p><p>"Yes sir. Am I to assume that money is no object?"</p><p>"Is it ever?"</p><p>"Very good sir."</p><p>Jarvis started on the task of finding the two something to eat while they plopped back down in front of the TV looking for something to watch. "Oh!" Tony said suddenly "There's that new Disney movie Soul out we should watch that!"</p><p>Loki crinkled his nose. "I don't know, I've seen the poster it looks a little... kiddish."</p><p>"I know but it's apparently supposed to have this really great plot going on under the surface. You might like it."</p><p>Loki sighed. "Fine but if I don't like it I'm blaming you for showing it to me."</p><p>Tony wrapped an arm around Loki and turned the movie on excitedly before telling Jarvis to dim the lights.</p><hr/><p>"Oh my gosh." Loki said as the lights came back up.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"I didn't think I was going to like that."</p><p>"You see? You gotta open yourself up to new things." Tony picked up more of the food Jarvis had delivered and put it in Loki's hands. "Eat."</p><p>Loki sighed frustrated. "I've already eaten more food than I would've liked to Tony. I'm beginning to think you're trying to fatten me up so you can eat me."</p><p>"While I have no doubt that you would taste delicious, you need the nutrients to get better."</p><p>"If this is about the nutrients then why did you have Jarvis get Chinese food?"</p><p>"Hey, I said surprise me!"</p><p>Loki rolled his eyes but picked up a form and tried to give a few half-hearted bites. "So," Loki said while he pushed around a piece of broccoli "What are we doing today?"</p><p>"<em>We</em> aren't doing anything. <em>I</em> am going to wait on you hand and foot until you get better and <em>you</em> are going to relax on the couch and heal."</p><p>Loki moaned in protest. "That's so boring! I don't want to stay stuck on the couch all day. We could at least go down to the bowling alley." Tony's house had all sorts of amenities to keep him and any of Howard's guests entertained. They didn't need to leave it to have a fun time, they could do everything right here but Tony just shook his head no at the idea.</p><p>"You still have a lot of damage to your body Lokes. You're not risking anything. We're staying here and watching movies and fattening you up, am I clear?"</p><p>"Crystal." Loki rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Fine, but I get to pick what we watch next though."</p><p>"Ok, what do you want to watch?"</p><p>Loki hummed in thought for a few seconds trying to figure it out. "Courage the Cowardly Dog."</p><p>"Solid choice. Do you want me to pop us some popcorn?"</p><p>"Stark I swear if you try to feed me another piece of food today I will move to the other couch and leave you here to sit by yourself." Tony's pout was all the answer Loki needed.</p><p>"I should be doing my homework while we do this" Loki mused.</p><p>Tony shot him a stern look. "What part of rest and relaxation do you not understand?"</p><p>"What part of straight A student since kindergarten do <em>you</em> not understand?"</p><p>"The part where you actually try. Seriously Lokes you could probably give the most minimal effort possible and still get decent grades. I'm surprised you haven't skipped a grade or two."</p><p>"I don't want decent grades Tony, I want perfection and look who's talking. You could probably be in college by now if you wanted to be."</p><p>Tony shrugged. "I could be, but if I left to go to college all early like that I would have less time to spend with you."</p><p>Loki turned away from Tony but not fast enough for Tony to miss the pink blush that spread across his face. "Well, anyways, I still need to get my work done."</p><p>"You'll be here for a few days, you'll get to do your homework poindexter."</p><p>Loki turned back to him instantly. "What did you just call me!"</p><p>"Poindexter."</p><p>"Oh you've done it now." Loki picked up a dumpling from the plate of Chinese food and threw it at the genius billionaire's face who gawked at him hilariously. Loki fell back on the couch laughing as loud as he could. Tony put on his war face and turned to Loki who covered his mouth immediately when he saw the look that Tony was giving him.</p><p>"That," Tony declared, "means war. Now I'm going to have to do something very... <em>naughty</em>."</p><p>Within seconds Tony was leaning over and tickling Loki for all he was worth. Tony carefully avoided any part of him that still had bruises but any skin that was uninjured was fair game. Loki shreiked with laughter and hopelessly tried turning away from the boy to escape the vicious attack. The two boys eventually fell on top of each other, Tony lying on Loki's chest both laughing hysterically and totally happy. Tony moved to get up but Loki wrapped an arm around him trying to make him stay. "Loki I can't put my weight on you and you can't be on your back. It might aggrivate something."</p><p>Loki pouted and Tony sighed. He sat back and pulled Loki with him so that the teen was laying on his chest instead. "Better?"</p><p>"Hmmmm" Loki said snuggling into the Tony comfortably "much."</p><p>Tony hummed in agreement and the two laid like that for the rest of the day. Despite his threats, Tony did eventually get Loki to eat more and despite his complaints, Loki didn't mind staying in the living room all day with Tony. Actually, he was quite happy. There was nowhere else he'd rather be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. One moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The two spent all their time together, barely ever leaving each other's presence. The only time they were apart was when Tony went to school, something Loki forced him to do so he could turn in his assignments for him and pick up his new work. They were with each other for a lovely two weeks without a care in the world, no stress no pain no clients, it was magnificent. It was as if time stopped just for them. </p><p>It had to come to an end eventually. Loki was sitting on the couch, calmly explaining to Tony why he had to leave and go back home tomorrow and Tony was not happy. At all.</p><p>"Tony, it's been two weeks. A 'severe cold the likes of which we've never seen' can only last so long and I have to go back to school. We're already pushing it."</p><p>"Ok fine, so go back to school but I still don't see why you have to go back to living there!"</p><p>"Because if I'm back in school Thor will wonder why I'm not back in the house."</p><p>"Tell him I kidnapped you."</p><p>Loki looked at Tony for a second letting the idiocy of that statement sink into both of their heads. "You want me to tell Thor that you kidnapped me? Would you like me to preorder a tombstone as well?"</p><p>Tony opened his mouth to refute the statement but unfortunately, there wasn't much to refute. He'd need a suit of armor to try to stand up to that guy and he wasn't crazy enough to try without it. "You're not even fully healed Loki. Your back is still messed up, your ribs are still broken..."</p><p>"My ribs will be done mending themselves in about a week or two, my back is good enough for me to survive without pain killers and all of the bruising has faded. I should've already been back in school by now, I just wanted to give us a few more days." Tony looked absolutely heartbroken. Loki felt frustrated for feeling so bad, he hadn't done anything wrong so why did he feel so terrible telling him all of this! He sighed in frustration and pulled Tony into his arms. "I will be ok Tony. You see me literally every day, you can check up on me all you want and I know how to take care of the wounds myself. I can even dress the ones on my back, it'll just take a bit longer than when you do it."</p><p>"You know that's not the problem."</p><p>"Can't we pretend like it is?" Of course Tony was going to miss having Loki around and he wanted to make sure his injuries were healing properly but that wasn't what scared him. "Odin won't want to sell me until my back doesn't have any marks so I'll still be free for a few more weeks, I just have to go home."</p><p>"He's made exceptions before."</p><p>"Not on that."</p><p>"It's not safe for you there. He's not safe." Tony held Loki tighter but it did nothing to fade the determination on Loki's face and it made Tony angry, not just at Odin but at Loki. It was irrational and cruel but he didn't care, he just wanted his best friend to stay where he could protect him. He wanted him to be where he was safe, but no matter what he always went running back to Odin. Tony's love was never good enough.  He could never get over the feeling of pain and sadness whenever the day came when Loki finally had to leave. Sometimes he was quiet and did his best to look calm to spare Loki the pain of having to deal with his irrational anger and sometimes... "What can he give you that I can't or won't?" It was a selfish question and Tony knew it when he asked it but he didn't care.</p><p>Loki sighed and let go of Tony, falling back onto the couch with an exhausted look in his eyes. "Don't ask me that right now Tony. We're not doing this."</p><p>"I think we should do this! Name it, I don't care what it is! Ask for anything, I'll give it to you! What have you ever asked me for that I didn't give you."</p><p>"Ok then Tony, you be my father."</p><p>"Loki you know I-"</p><p>"Then don't ask me that!" Tony flinched when Loki exploded, looking up at him with fury and pain in his eyes. "Don't sit here and ask me what I want! Don't ask me what you can do! Don't ask me what you can give me! You already know the answer and you can't provide it! I want a father! Can you give me that Tony? Can your money buy me that?"</p><p>"Why does it always have to be him? Why is his love the only love you'll accept? Why can't-" Why can't my love be enough. Tony didn't let himself finish the question, hating how it sounded coming out of his mouth but Loki already knew what he was going to say and he sighed, mentally preparing himself to have this conversation yet again.</p><p>"You don't love me, Tony. Not like that. You're just scared for me. You don't want me to go and you're willing to say whatever it takes to make me stay to keep me safe, even if it means faking a level of love for me you don't have."</p><p>"What makes you so sure I don't love you? Why are you always so positive that I can't?"</p><p>"What makes you so sure you do? What is there in me to even love, Tony? Which part of me do you love? The mentally broken part that my own father doesn't want? The physically broken part you keep having to stitch together like a beaten unwanted doll? The emotionally broken part that's irreparable? Or maybe it's the person I show everyone else that you love, the healthy one that actually knows how to act like a functioning member of society. The one Thor loves and Frigga loves the one that doesn't actually exist. I don't know who you love Tony, but it's not me. I don't even love me."</p><p>"But I do. One day I'll find a way to prove it to you."</p><p>Loki chuckled. It was sad and rough and Tony hated the sound of it. "Good luck with that."</p><p>"If you weren't so dependent on him you could see it. You are loved. If I could make it so you didn't need his validation so much, you could see it."</p><p>"Is that right?" Loki shrugged. "Well, if that's the case, then I wish you good luck with that too." Tony stared at him for a second before he stalked over heavily towards the kitchen. "Where are you going?"</p><p>"I'm going to get a drink." Loki sighed unsurprised and got to his feet to follow his friend who was already downing the glass by the time he got there. He grabbed the alcohol bottle and held it away from him.</p><p>"I'm sorry Tony. Look, let's please not do this. It's my last day I don't want it to end like this. I just want us to have a happy day before I go, can we please just do that?"</p><p>Tony sighed. "I don't know. As I'm sure you can clearly see I'm not all that happy right now and you aren't either so I don't know how we're going to manage that."</p><p>"Would you rather we drown our problems in alcohol?"</p><p>Tony grabbed another glass from the cabinet and stole the bottle back from Loki's hands before pouring them both a drink. He handed Loki a glass and raised his hand. Loki sighed grudgingly and lifted his glass. "What exactly are we toasting?"</p><p>"To the pain of this life."</p><p>"That's positively morbid."</p><p>Tony shrugged, eyes full of unveiled sadness. "Maybe we'll have better luck in the next one."</p><p>They both quickly finished their drinks and poured more, bringing their glasses and the bottle back to the living room where they attempted to make all of their sorrows disappear. There wasn't enough liquor in the world for that, but Tony knew he couldn't just leave the night like this. He couldn't do that to Loki. After one too many bottles, Tony turned to Loki, completely drunk. "Let me take you somewhere."</p><p>"Somewhere?" Loki said skeptically. "Where is somewhere?"</p><p>"It's somewhere that's a surprise and somewhere that's fun."</p><p>"Define fun."</p><p>"Fun: Going out and doing something with Loki."</p><p>"It's terrible definitions like that that tell me this is a bad idea."</p><p>"Come on," Tony said standing to his feet and offering a hand to Loki "humor me." Loki slowly took the hand offered to him. "Jarvis, prepare one of the cars, you're driving."</p><p>"I should hope so sir considering you are both quite drunk."</p><p>"Hey! No lip!"</p><p>"Never sir. Where would you like to go?"</p><p>"I'm typing in the address now." Tony plugged the coordinates in, being careful to keep his phone out of sight of Loki's prying eyes. "You got it J?</p><p>"Yes sir."</p><p>"Awesome. Let's go." Loki grudgingly followed behind Tony towards the door but suddenly, Tony stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot. We need one more thing."</p><hr/><p>"Stark are we there yet!"</p><p>Loki had asked him that about twenty times so far and each time got more and more hostile. Tony knew he didn't have long to get to where they were going before Loki just gave up waiting but he knew it would be worth it. He just hoped the boy could keep the blindfold on for a bit longer.</p><p>"We're almost there Lokes Jarvis said we should be there in a minute."</p><p>"he better mean that literally because if I have to keep this thing across my eyes for too much longer, I am going to kill-" Loki stopped talking when the car suddenly stopped moving. "Are we here?"</p><p>"Yes princess, we're here." Loki growled, hearing Tony's door open and a second later, his own was being opened for him as well. "Give me your hand."</p><p>"I can't see the thing."</p><p>"Reach out for it, I'll grab yours."</p><p>Loki grudgingly listened and took Tony's hand in his, letting himself be led out of the car. Tony led him up what felt like a little path and pulled him down to sit down next to him.</p><p>"You can take off the blindfold now."</p><p>Loki slowly did, not sure what he expected exactly and gasped at what he saw. It was beautiful. They were up on a hill in the woods, where Stark had found nature in New York Loki would never know, overlooking the city and it was absolutely beautiful. It was one of Loki's favorite sights and Tony had brought him here to show it to him.</p><p>"Look, I know I can be difficult sometimes and I know sometimes I get out of line but I worry about you and I just... I guess what I'm really trying to say is-"</p><p>"Please shush Tony. I forgive you." Loki sighed and laid his head in Tony's lap completely content if only for the moment. Tony ran his fingers through Loki's hair listening to the sounds of a New York night, letting the moment last. If only for a moment.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Innocence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The regularly scheduled sadness is back. Warnings for rape, nothing graphic I'm blending the old vision and the new vision into one and I think it's going to turn out to be the best but sit back because we have a bumpy road ahead</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was about a week later that it happened. Loki had gone back to living at his house, much to his brother's happiness and they were once again in the kitchen eating breakfast, getting ready to go to school.</p><p>"Good morning Thor."</p><p>Loki listened only half paying attention to Thor's response and almost missed it completely when his father acknowledged him.</p><p>"Loki let me talk to you in private for a second."</p><p>Loki looked up suddenly, surprised as he always was when his father spoke to him. He looked at Thor who, as always, had finished his breakfast first. "You can head out to the garage Thor, I'll be there in a second."</p><p>"Does that mean I get to pick the car?" Thor said excitedly, his face wilting at his brother's amused snort.</p><p>"It's my day to drive. We're taking the Bentley."</p><p>Thor pouted and headed out to the car, upset no doubt that they couldn't take a much larger car. Thor always liked cars that had more size, his brother on the other hand liked cars that were a bit more classy and he hated it.</p><p>As soon as he was out of the room Loki turned to Odin expectantly, waiting for him to speak. "Come with me." Odin turned his back on his and started walking down the hall leaving Loki to get up and trail behind him obediently.</p><p>Loki was surprised when they ended up in Odin's office. He closed the door securely behind them and locked it as soon as Loki got inside and turned to him. "Lift your shirt." Loki did so immediately and his father slowly walked around him, looking each part of him over like a prized animal. It made Loki sick but he didn't dare move from the spot he was standing as Odin assessed him.</p><p>He looked pleased to see all of the bruises were gone but stopped when he got to his back. his back was still marked up. They were healing but there was only so much damage that could be fixed in two weeks. They were clearly going to leave scars too though that wasn't a concern. Loki had gotten scars from entertaining before and he knew that laser scar removal though expensive did work wonders. Good thing he made his dad enough money for that not to be a problem.</p><p>"How's your rib."</p><p>"It's healing. It should be done mending itself in a few weeks."</p><p>"And your back?"</p><p>Loki hesitated. "A bit more difficult to say. The damage was pretty bad so I'd say give it another two or three weeks."</p><p>"That's too long," Odin said absentmindedly, almost forgetting his son was in the room. "You already have a waiting list."</p><p>Loki resisted the urge to let look go across his face. That was the problem with breaks, he ended up with a waiting list after they were done. He had been gone for two weeks so by his best guess he would probably have three of four appointments back to back. He was going to hate it but he'd had worse and endured it. He'd endure this too, but the longer he took to heal, the longer that list would grow and eventually it would grow to a place where Loki would barely be able to handle it. Still, that was better than having to deal with it now while still hurt.</p><p>"You could just stay on your back..."</p><p>Loki mentally went into panic mode at hearing Odin's musings on how to put him back to it even quicker. "It might be better to wait. They'll all either have to limit what they want to only one position or you risk them seeing my back and they won't want to payas much for that. It will mess with your profit margins either way." Odin hummed thinking about what his son said. This was the only way to convince his father to give him a break to finish healing, the money was all he cared about.</p><p>Odin nodded. "Fine. You'll get your extra few weeks. We will have a guest staying at the house but seeing as you won't be able to entertain him, you are to stay out of his sight at all costs. I don't want him getting a look at you until later. He will be here when you get home from school having a drink with me. Go out with that Tony kid you like, go do something. Go entertain yourselves."</p><p>"Keeping ourselves entertained usually costs us quite a bit of money." Never let it be said that Loki didn't leverage these situations to his advantage when he wanted to. Odin didn't pay attention to whether Loki had money or not which meant he had no idea that Loki had plenty of money inside his account from the allowance he had convinced Odin to give him. It was such a small amount compared to Odin's fortune he didn't even notice the amount going out each week. Loki wouldn't have to work a day in his life if he didn't want to.</p><p>Odin waved at him dismissively and settled behind his desk. "The money will be put in your account. Dismissed." </p><p>Loki left quickly, thanking his father and heading towards the garage. He saw Thor jumping around in the front seat like an excited puppy. "Why are you so jumpy? Calm down before you break something."</p><p>"I'm sorry brother I'm just excited about my present!"</p><p>"Your present?"</p><p>"Yes! It must be great if you and father keep talking about it so much."</p><p>Realization slowly came to Loki as he remembered saying something to Thor about them discussing his birthday present when they went off to talk in private like that. He got in the car, keeping his face carefully neutral. "Well you know father, nothing is ever too good for his favorite son."</p><p>Loki quickly pulled out of the garage, his brother happily trying to guess the present he got in the passenger seat beside him, totally missing the obvious problem with that statement.</p><hr/><p>School was mainly uneventful that day. Loki and Tony headed to Tony's car practically melted from pure agony at how long the day was they just endured.</p><p>"Why did it feel like today was extra boring?"</p><p>Loki quickly slid inside the car and leaned back into the seat, collapsing. "I don't know, maybe it was the five different tests we somehow had all on the same day."</p><p>"I swear our teachers hate us."</p><p>Probably," Loki said as he watched Tony put on his seatbelt "but that may be our fault."</p><p>"What! What did we do!"</p><p>"Where do you even want to start?"</p><p>"Ms. Taylor?" Their science teacher.</p><p>"Took the lizards out of their cages and set them lose in the English department."</p><p>"Mrs. Numan?" Their English teacher.</p><p>"You had Jarvis change all of her browsers to porn in the middle of class playing on full volume simultaneously."</p><p>"Mr. Johnson?" Their math teacher.</p><p>"Stuck him to the wall with an enhanced super glue which took the janitors a full school day to get off."</p><p>"Mr. Sanchez?" Their Spanish teacher.</p><p>"We painted penises on the walls of his classroom with permanent markers that took several layers of paint to cover."</p><p>"Mr. Gabriel?" Their history teacher.</p><p>"You rigged his dry erase markers to go off with confetti when he opened them."</p><p>"I'm noticing a pattern."</p><p>"So am I. I'm sure they are too."</p><p>"Why did we do all those things to them again?"</p><p>"I believe you overheard them in the teacher's lounge complaining about how it's a pain to teach me seeing as how I'm such a 'know-it-all.'"</p><p>"Oh yeah!" Tony said suddenly remembering the conversation and feeling not at all bad for the revenge they'd taken. Oh well. They shouldn't have been such crybabies. "Any suggestions on where we're going today?"</p><p>Loki shrugged. "My dad needs me out of the house for a little bit so we can go wherever you want. It really doesn't make much of a difference to me."</p><p>Tony shrugged back "we could go to the mall."</p><p>"Might as well, let's go."</p><hr/><p>The two spent the better part of the day at the mall. They even ran into Thor and his friends hanging out after practice and hung out with them. It was a fun, easy day filled with trying on clothes and laughing. In a rare moment of pure joy and ease, Loki felt like a regular teenager. Loki had even found some clothes he liked which was a true rarity. He still remembered Tony's face when he came out with the pants on. He looked like his eyes were about to fall out of his head they were so wide. Loki chuckled at the memory.</p><p>"What are you laughing at?" Tony asked glancing at him from the driver's seat with a knowing grin.</p><p>Loki shrugged. "Nothing, just remembering your face at those pants."</p><p>"Hey, not my fault they looked good on you!"</p><p>"Oh please." He rolled his eyes but clutched the bad with the pants in them a bit tighter, not so secretly happy that Tony had liked them as much as he had.</p><p>"So what are you going to do for the rest of the night?"</p><p>Loki shrugged. "Probably study, get ahead on my work and then get an early sleep."</p><p>"You know, you could do all those things at my house."</p><p>"No Tony" Loki drawled like a parent repeating something for the one-hundredth time "I will be doing them at mine."</p><p>"Oh come on. I had Jarvis order up a batch of those candy apples you like so much hand they're sitting in the freezer."</p><p>"They can sit there a little longer, I'm sure I'll be other by this weekend. Let them wait for me."</p><p>Tony Turned to Loki as they rolled into the driveway. "Last chance to come with me."</p><p>Loki smiled and kissed Tony on the cheek. "I'll be fine Tony. I'm going to bed soon anyways like I said, I'll be totally safe."</p><p>Tony pouted but let him go watching as he slid inside the house and drove away.</p><p>Loki headed straight to his room, ready to put away his clothes and relax for the night. There wasn't anything stressful, no clients, no responsibilities, nothing, just an early start on his work and sleep. He grabbed his book bag with a comfortable sigh and threw it on his bed before quickly joining it, pulling out his Spanish textbook deciding to study some irregular conjugations.</p><p>It was about 11 by the time he was almost completely finished with his work. The subject he'd learned earlier wasn't that difficult but some of the terms were easy to mix up and he wanted ot make sure he had them completely memorized.</p><p>Suddenly he heard his door creeked open, scaring him and making him jump. No one ever came into his room, and even when they did they definitely didn't come in without knocking. Who did they think they were? "Can I help you sir?"</p><p>He'd never seen the man who entered his room before but he looked slightly drunk. "Are you Loki?"</p><p>"Who are you and why are you in my room?" Loki quickly put his books to the side of his bed and sat up. "If you don't leave I will call security." He said it with as much confidence as possible but he wasn't as sure as he sounded. The intercom panel that would let him speak to security was on the far side on the wall beside his door, the door the man was currently standing in right now.</p><p>The man just laughed at Loki. He walked over to him slowly, like a lion assessing its prey. "Oh? You wanna play like that, huh? Ok, I can do that." In the next second, the man was on Loki with a hand covering his mouth and another one holding his hands above his head. "Your daddy came to me saying I'd have to wait to see you until you're healed but I'm not really much of the waiting type so I wanted to come see you now."</p><p>He climbed onto the bed and Loki's eyes grew wide and he started struggling as he realized what was about to happen. He tossed every which way trying with all his strength to throw the man but he was twice his size and didn't care. The man laughed. "A fighter huh?"</p><p>He shook the man's hand off of his face "Please, please don't do this I'll tell my father I'm healed, I can see you tomorrow just not like-" The man put his hand back over his mouth even tighter than before.</p><p>"Why pay your dad for that when I have it right now for free."</p><p>Loki fought even more viciously but there was no progress to be made and he was quickly losing energy. "ehdonwanthis!" Loki said hoping the man would hear his muffled voice.</p><p>"You said you don't want this?" Loki nodded his head, shaking from head to toe still trying to throw the man with little to no success. He wasn't escaping. The only way he was getting up was if the man let him. He just stared down at him with a cold smile and Loki knew what he was going to say before he even said it. "I don't care." Loki cried as he jack knifed himself up in one final attempt to free himself and he felt a sudden pain spread across his chest. He fell back against the bed, not even notcinig as the stranger ripped his clothes off, traying with everything in him not to panic. He couldn't breathe.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Free Sample</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Loki woke up he felt groggy. He could hear a faint beeping sound next to him as well as the sounds of voices coming from everywhere near him talking loudly and coming into focus. It would probably be best, he decided, to keep his eyes closed and listen for now.</p><p>"-and I'm saying you can't do this in here! My patient is resting he needs time to recover and you are not going to be able to ask him any questions when he wakes up and you can't ask this gentleman anything either while he's in here."</p><p>"I understand but if Mr. Stark would just step outside the room-"</p><p>"I'm not leaving his bedside until I know he's ok. You're not getting me out of here and if you try to put your hands on me again I swear I will have my dad's lawyers down here so fast to demolish your entire precinct. Do not touch me."</p><p>"Sir I think you should leave."</p><p>There was no sound for a moment as Loki assumed that Tony and the officer were staring each other down but eventually Tony won and Loki heard two sets of footsteps retreat from the room and the door open and close behind them.</p><p>"You can open your eyes now princess. They're gone." Loki opened his eyes and looked over to where Tony's voice was coming from and saw him sitting right beside his bed in a chair he obviously pulled from the hallway. "Don't move too much, your rib still hasn't set itself back in place yet." He looked like he hadn't slept in forever. He looked both exhausted and pissed off at the same time.</p><p>Loki looked around to see himself hooked up to various monitors and tubes he was hopped up to. It was clear he was in the hospital. "What's going on? Who was that in the room just now."</p><p>"That was the police."</p><p>"What? Why are the police here?"</p><p>"Because Thor called them."</p><p>"Why did Thor call the police, Tony you're not making any sense."</p><p>"He called because he walked into your room to ask you a question about two factor Punnett Squares and found you on your bed blue, naked, not breathing, and unconscious."</p><p>Loki froze in fear and shock. The events of the previous day suddenly came back to him. "Thor found me?"</p><p>"Yeah, just in time. You almost died three times on the way to the hospital. They had to restart your heart. There was air leaking into your chest cavity and to make a long story short the doctors said if he had found you any later you would have died."</p><p>Loki took a moment to take that in. He had almost died. His brother had been the one to find him. "Wait, why did Thor call the police? Shouldn't he have called an ambulance?"</p><p>"He did, but the hospital did a full body exam on you to get a better idea of what happened since all Thor could tell them was that he found you like that. A few tests revealed what looked like common tells of forced entry into the body. That's when Thor called them."</p><p>"He knows?" Loki could've been panicking if he weren't so busy trying to figure out a solution to all of this. "Where is he?"</p><p>"He's with the police answering questions. They called me and asked me some questions to see if you said you'd be doing anything that night that would explain your current state. I said that when I last talked to you, you told me that you were going to be in your room <em>studying</em>."</p><p>Loki knew exactly what type of conclusions Tony had jumped to and he quickly shook his head. "I wasn't entertaining him, I swear! I went to my room I was studying and he-"</p><p>Tony cut him off raising a hand for him to stop. "I know. I know you were studying. I was worried at first that you were entertaining someone and you hadn't told me but then I found out you were telling the truth. You know how I know you were telling the truth Loki?"</p><p>Loki shook his head and sunk further into his bed. "I overheard a conversation your dad was having on the phone with one of his business associates, the one who did this to you if I'm not mistaken."</p><p>"My father has nothing to do with this, we talked about it this morning. We both agreed it would be best if he waited until I was fully healed. Odin didn't want to mess with his profit margins."</p><p>"No, he didn't and that's probably what he said that morning but apparently, towards that afternoon, the man was being quite insistent. He would have to go on a waiting list if he was going to see you and that was after you healed. Apparently, he didn't really like that idea all that much, so he was just going to cancel the deal with Odin altogether. Then Odin got an idea. What if he sent the man to get a quick sample to show him just how good the product was so he would be willing to wait? The only problem is, how do you send someone to get a sample of a person?"</p><p>Loki's almost pinched himself when his voice came out so small. "I don't know."</p><p>"Your dad thought the way to do it would be to send the man to your room without your knowledge or consent. In his mind, if the man saw how good you were when you weren't even trying to be, he would want to stay to see what it was like to have you actually perform for him which would of course be so much better."</p><p>Loki was as pale as the sheet he was holding. "My father wouldn't-"</p><p>"Not only did he send him to you," Tony continued "he disabled all of the security cameras in your room and the security panel by your door so there would be no proof and you wouldn't be able to call for help. He covered up any evidence that it even happened and now because of that, the man is probably going to walk free. Even if you tried to give a description or say it was him, a good lawyer could get him off in a second saying that due to the traumatic circumstances, you can not be counted on to give an accurate account of the person who attacked you and since there are a ton of people in your house at all times who work there, there's no telling who the culprit could be."</p><p>Loki hugged himself while laying in his hospital bed. He was shaking. Tony was staring at him, rage vividly clear in his eyes but it wasn't directed towards him.</p><p>Suddenly the door reopened and Tony turned to yell at whatever police officer had walked in but stopped. It wasn't a police officer. Odin walked into the room and stared at Loki for what felt like forever with a look he couldn't even begin to read. He turned to Tony.</p><p>"I need to talk to my son. Leave."</p><p>"No."</p><p>Odin looked unfazed by Tony's dissent and walked farther into the room. "It wasn't a question. Get up, or I will make you."</p><p>"How do you plan to do that? You gonna call security on me?"</p><p>"Perhaps but I don't think I'll have to. Loki is still only seventeen and therefore all medical decisions regarding him are made by me, including who's allowed to see him and who can and can't be given updates on his condition." Tony went to say something but paused when he considered exactly what Odin was saying. "Now, leave. You can wait outside the door. This won't take long."</p><p>Tony slowly stood, looking at Odin with all of the hate, contempt, and anger he had stored inside his body and left. Odin closed the door behind him and crossed over to where his youngest son lay. "Are you here to tell me to tell the police I don't know anything?"</p><p>"I don't care about the police. They won't figure anything out. I'm here to tell you to tell your brother you don't know anything."</p><p>"Why, scared he'll connect it back to you?" Loki didn't usually question his father like that. He usually didn't do anything with his father except try to seem pleasant but today, he didn't want to do that. He was mad, he was going to show at least a little bit of it. </p><p>Odin scoffed. "Hardly. Thor couldn't put that together even if I did give him the pieces, no that's not what I care about."</p><p>"Then what do you care about, because it's clearly not me."</p><p>Odin stared at him for a second not saying anything. "I care because when he shows back up to the house I don't want Thor trying to kill him."</p><p>"When he shows back up at the- what do you mean when he shows back up? Why is he coming back to the house?"</p><p>"Because he's on your waiting list. He'll be back in a month."</p><p>Loki stared at him with a level of shock that he should no longer save for his father's antics. "You're really going to let him sleep with me? After that? You're still going to let him in the house?"</p><p>Odin shrugged as if the situation was out of his hands, which was so incredibly far from the truth. "He's paying triple. He liked the sample. Good work son." For the first time ever upon hearing his father say that, he didn't feel happy or proud or loved at all. He felt disgusted. He felt violated and most confusing of all because he really knew he wasn't at fault here, he felt ashamed. "I love you."</p><p>It was the same words and the same look and the same smile he always got and even now it looked genuine but still, Loki couldn't look at it. He shook his head slowly looking away. "Do you really? Did you ever? Do you love me, Odin, at all?"</p><p>Odin just kept smiling. He turned around and walked out of the room, letting in Tony and an officer as he came out but Loki didn't see them at all. The only thing he could notice were those lines going through his head over and over again on a never-ending repeat and he slowly looked around the room, trying to bring himself back to the present moment so he didn't panic. He didn't even hear them calling for the nurse.</p><p>
  <em>I love you. Good work. I love you. Good work. I love you. Good work. I love you.</em>
</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Blackbird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for talk of trauma and talk of rape. You guys may not be getting a chapter tomorrow. I have an idea for a one-shot that I really like that I want to write and I might write that instead, I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish both in a day. I'm only saying so because I know usually I update daily and I didn't want you all to be surprised since I know it might happen in advance. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter! Also, tags will be updated as soon as I figure out everything that needs to be added and taken away. For anyone who was curious also, since the chapter titles usually directly correlate to what goes on in the chapter and this one doesn't, the title for this chapter is inspired by Blackbird, the song sung by the Beatles and the song by Nina Simone, both of which I think are great descriptions of Loki as a character. I might write a one-shot later about the Nina Simone version of the song but that's ideas for a later time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was many hours of lying and tests before the medical team decided to finally leave Loki alone. He told everyone that the increased heart rate and respiration rate typical of a panic attack was due to everything hitting him suddenly about what had happened. He repeated the story so many times he started to believe it was true. After all, he really hadn't processed what happened yet. He was terrified to look at it because even without exploring his emotions, he could still feel the deeper feelings sitting under the surface of his mind waiting to eat him alive and kill him. Fear. Shame. Guilt. Anger. He felt unclean. He felt like he would always feel this dirty and it was strange because in one way everything that had happened still counted as that same thing from before but this was the first time he'd ever felt like he'd truly been...</p><p>He didn't want to say it. He felt humiliated. No matter what had happened, no matter if it was coerced or not, whenever he entertained people before he said yes. He had been given a choice and he knew he wouldn't say no Odin always knew he wouldn't say no but he asked. He chose to see them, this time a man just walked into his room without asking and just took from him what he wanted and his father knew. He didn't just know, he didn't just allow it, he suggested it, he made it possible in the first place and he made sure the man responsible for the action would never see a day of prison for it all without any regard to if his son would actually care or not. He wanted to curl in on himself and cry and the only reason he wasn't was the boy currently sitting in a chair by his bedside, looking at him with concern.</p><p>"Why are you staring at me?" Tony looked scared. Probably because Loki refused to look at him staring dead ahead at the ceiling above him instead of his best friend. He had only ever refused to look at Tony like this one other time in their entire relationship when he came to him to bandage him up after he had his first client. He felt all these same emotions after the first time too, dirty, ashamed, used, but at that time he could justify the feeling with his father's smile and because of that the feeling slowly started to fade. As long as he focused on that smile, the love his father gave, he could tell himself he would be alright. There was no justifying this. He wasn't going to be able to tell himself something to fix this. This part of him was going to stay broken and if it ever healed it wasn't going to be for a long, long time.</p><p>"Trying to read your face."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>Tony shrugged out of the corner of his eyes. "To see how bad you are. You woke up in the hospital, had a ton of information dropped on you then your father came in before you could even really realize everything that happened, you had a panic attack and this is the first time you've had today to process everything. I'm trying to see how you're coping."</p><p>Loki shook his head. "I'm not processing this." He could see the indignant look Tony had in his eyes and shook his head again. His voice grew louder and louder with each word. "I don't want to do this Tony. I don't want to acknowledge this, I don't want to deal with this I don't want to feel like this! Do you know what my father came in here to say to me? His hospitalized son who almost died and is suffering from a trauma he himself endorsed? He said don't tell Thor who it was who did this. He doesn't want him to scare off the man who did this to me when he comes back to the house in a month to sleep with me! He's on the waiting list. Odin put him on the waiting list, and when I asked about it he just shrugged his shoulders at me as if it wasn't a problem and said 'he's paying triple.'"</p><p>"He's letting him come back?"</p><p>Loki nodded, trying to ignore the incredulous look on Tony's face and the bile rising up in his throat. Why was he surprised, why had Loki been surprised when Odin told him? "That was the goal, after all, to get him to come back so he would pay for me so why am I surprised? Why was I stupid enough to expect more? Odin told me the man liked the sample. He told me, <em>good job son</em>. I did a <em>good job</em> being violated. I did a good job almost dying at the hands of a man who didn't care when I begged him to stop. He didn't care Tony! He didn't stop..."</p><p>Tony had his hand in his in an instant, holding it as tight as he could in the only form of physical comfort he was able to show right now. "Why would he say that to me, Tony? Why would he say that after what he just made me endure?"</p><p>"Because he needs you to go with it. He still needs you to entertain and for you to do that, you have to want to please him."</p><p>"That's all I really am to him, huh? It really is all about the money. I told myself if I just kept being useful to him maybe one day he'd love me. Maybe one day he could learn to see me as he sees Thor, as his son." Loki stopped seemingly stuck on the same thought.</p><p>Tony really didn't want to ask, he really didn't. He wanted to give Loki more time to heal first but it had to be addressed now while Loki was still shattered and his perception of Odin was still fractured enough for there to be a chance.</p><p>"What are you going to do?"</p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"All of it Loki, the entertaining, the way you see Odin, living in that house what are you going to do?"</p><p>Loki opened and closed his mouth several times as tears spilled down his face. His entire body was shaking. He looked like a lost toddler and he knew it and he hated it but that was how he felt. He really did look like he was breaking apart at the seams, but Tony still noticed in his eyes, the tiniest most persistent little speck of light still dotting the corners and brightening his face just a little bit. Hope. There was still hope there to him. Finally, he shook his head.  "I don't know."</p><p>Tony groaned. "Loki stop this! Wake up, what more needs to happen! What else does he have to do to show you-"</p><p>"I want to ask him!"</p><p>"What do you think he's going to tell you Loki? That he loved you so much? That you're his prized son and that he realizes now that he values you as a person?"</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Then why do you want to talk to him!"</p><p>"Because I want to hear it from him!" Tony opened his mouth and closed it, suddenly realizing exactly what Loki was saying. He sat back in his chair and let Loki think, silently letting him put together how he wanted to say what he had to say next. "I want to hear it from him," Loki said now a lot calmer now that he saw that Stark understood. "I want to hear him say that he never loved me and that he probably never will."</p><p>Tony exhaled after a long second and slowly shook his head. "Loki he would never admit to something like that to you. Your reliance on his approval is too important."</p><p>"No" Loki agreed, "you're right, he would never say something like that to me. Willingly. I'm going to give him some incentive."</p><p>"Incentive?" Tony's eyes widened as he realized what Loki was saying. "Loki..."</p><p>"I want to hear it from him." Loki insisted, mind made up. I just... I can't... Until the hope is gone I'll always believe he can love me one day."</p><p>"You're going to kill it" Tony said and Loki nodded. Loki's hope for his father, that he could one day love him, killed by his one hands so that he could move on and see him for the man he really was. Tony couldn't tell if that was the happiest or saddest thing he'd ever heard. "When are you going to do it?"</p><p>"I don't know. I'll have to make it a time when I know he can't retaliate."</p><p>"What will you do until then?"</p><p>"Once I'm healed, I'll do the same thing I've been doing."</p><p>"What? You can't keep doing that!"</p><p>"I have to. I can't let Odin know that anything is amiss before I get my shot."</p><p>"What about the man who did this when he comes back to the house?"</p><p>Loki shrugged. "Like I said, the same thing I've been doing."</p><p>"Loki... I don't know if you can take that."</p><p>"I don't really have much of a choice. I need to talk to Odin, until I can I'm going to have to make it seem like everything is ok."</p><p>"Will he let you heal this time?"</p><p>"I hope not."</p><p>"Why would you say something like that?"</p><p>Loki made himself smaller on the bed. "The waiting list is only going to get longer. He's going to have more people who get impatient and if they keep threatening to back out, he'll start... handing out more free samples."</p><p>Tony placed a hand on his cheek and started trying to soothe him gently calming him and forcing the heart monitor to go back down to a normal pace before the nurses rushed back in again. "What are we going to do?"</p><p>"Tony, you're not understanding. There's nothing we can do. There's no hope, there's no plan besides the one I already have, there is no way to fix this. He's going to do what he wants. It's not escapable. He'll keep hurting me until it doesn't benefit him anymore and it will benefit him until I'm no longer pretty."</p><p>Tony want to say a lot of things, all of which were stored up in a deep painful ball sitting deep in his gut after that speech but before he could, he heard a loud knock on the door. It almost sounded like someone was trying to knock it down. He sent one last lingering glance to his friend before he got up to answer the door. Loki saw Tony tense at the door but he couldn't see who was there to make such a reaction possible.</p><p>"Move." Loki froze in fear at that voice. He knew who that was and he wasn't ready to handle its owner. He frantically started looking around the room for a place to hide, but this was a hospital room, no such place existed. He wiped his eyes, getting rid of the tears, and tried to calm his shaking body as much as he could.</p><p>"Listen buddy I know you're mad but I don't know if this is-"</p><p>"I will count to two. If you are not out of the way before I get there, I will make you a permanent resident of this place. One."</p><p>Tony dove out of the way of the door and let Thor enter. Loki watched, truly terrified by the look on his brother's face. </p><p>Thor walked into the room and sat down in the seat Tony had previously occupied, looking like a human tower, muscles buldging and fists clenched in anticipation. He looked his brother deep in his eyes with unrestrained anger and vengeance. "Loki, I'm only going to ask you this one time and one time only, and you better not try to lie to me. Who. Did. This?"</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I'm Ok</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki stayed at the hospital for three days. He could've been discharged on day one but for some reason, Odin kept delaying his release saying that he still needed looking over. Loki would've asked his father what that was about but he never showed back up after the first day. Each day the police would come into his room, demanding answers, his nurses would come into his room, demanding answers, and then Thor would come to his room, demanding answers. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was annoying but he was grateful for the distraction. He welcomed it every time his door opened and every time they stayed to bombard him with questions. After all, time spent answering questions was time he didn't have to spend thinking about what happened to him and how he felt about it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He just kept telling everyone who asked that he was fine and that he would be ok. He had said the words so many times to so many people that by this time he was starting to believe them. It brought his painfully long days a tiny bit of structure. It made sense, it lined up with what he expected from the people involved and though it was sometimes annoying, it still gave him a sense of regularity and security in this situation.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">And then there was Tony. Tony sat by his bedside from sun up to sundown making sure Loki’s every need was met and acting as crowd control when he felt his visitors were staying a bit too long. </span>He had one of his dad’s assistants bring him a change of clothes and a stack of magazines to occupy his time with but other than that, he just took care of Loki. He slept in the chair, he cleaned himself in the bathroom attached to Loki's room and he paid people to get him food from the cafeteria downstairs. He didn't even go to school. When Loki asked him about it he just shrugged without a word and continued reading his magazine.</p><p class="p3">Part of him was happy about Tony's presence. It meant that no one could mess with him without getting to his friend first. His simply being there was usually enough to keep anyone from messing with him or asking him too many things or disturbing him at odd hours. The only person Tony didn't have an effect on was Thor and Loki could always make him stop by turning on the waterworks if his brother started asking him too many questions. He wasn't proud of it but it worked. On the surface, everything was good.</p><p class="p3">There was just one problem that constantly grabbed Loki's attention and got on his nerves above anything else: what Tony said to him when no one else was in the room, which was nothing. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything, he barely even acknowledged Loki when he wasn't attending to him in some specific way. He just read and glanced at him every now and again when he thought Loki wasn't looking.</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was that look that infuriated him the most. He couldn't identify what it meant. It almost looked like Tony was looking for something but for what Loki couldn't even give a guess. Whenever the guests went away and he had to be alone with his thoughts, they immediately turned to the look on Tony's face and trying to decipher what it meant. He was so confused and frustrated by it put together with Stark barely acknowledging his existence most of the day that it made him want to tear his hair out. He was the one that was pissing Loki off the most. <span class="s2">He knew the feelings and intentions of every other regular person in his room except for the one person who was there the most.</span></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">At one point on day two, he tried to imagine what reaction he expected Tony to have to try and compare it to his current reaction. He just wanted to make sense of what those looks meant. At first, he expected him to be mad like Thor, demanding answers about who it was so he could take revenge but then he remembered that Tony already had some idea who did this and if he wanted to know he could probably find out but he wasn't looking. He was here in the hospital with him. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Part of him expected him to be nonchalant. After all, he'd seen Loki hurt far worse than this and he knew the origin of the injuries. For a little while, he let himself believe that was what his reaction was, numbness from having dealt with this so many times, but he realized he was just telling himself that. That wasn't right either. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Part of him expected him to be all over him every five seconds checking on him and lecturing him about how his father did this to him and how he should leave that household. That was after all the most common reaction to these types of things, but besides that first time when he first woke up, Tony hadn’t mentioned Odin at all.</span>
</p><p class="p3">Loki ran through every single emotion he knew of from Tony, good and bad, logical or irrational, and compared them all to what he was seeing now and he came up with: Nothing. There was nothing. No emotion matched what he saw on Tony's face when he glanced at him and it was annoying. He always knew what was going on with Tony. It was just a part of them being friends so long, they knew each other so well. He was an open book to Loki and he had seen every reaction ever from him towards something Loki had done except one. </p><p class="p3">In a deeper part of himself that he wouldn't give attention to, he knew there was one reaction he hadn't seen. He had never seen Tony give up on him. He had never seen Tony simply no longer care and decide he wasn't worth it. That's why he was so angry. If he wasn't, he would be scared. He tried to tell himself things to comfort him and relieve his stress over the thoughts. Would someone who didn't care sit here with him day and night? Would someone who didn't care stay and make sure no one was draining him too much each day? Would someone who didn't care answer his every beck and call to make sure he was more comfortable?</p><p class="p3">The answer to all of this was no, but then there were other questions too that he didn't want to think about that came to his mind whenever he tried to bring himself comfort. Would someone who cared ignore him all day? Would someone who cared leave him this confused as to how he was feeling? Would someone who cared look at him like that? <span class="s2">This went on for the duration of his stay until the third day when Loki had enough.</span></p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“Why are you always looking at me like that?” </span> <span class="s2">Tony had just given him another one of those knowing looks before going back to his issue of Time. It only lasted a second but Loki had seen it. He honestly expected his best friend to answer, so he was expecting him to just shrug his shoulders and continued reading. That only pissed Loki off even more. </span> <span class="s2">“Stop looking at me like that! I’m not some pet project for you to criticize whenever you want to like one of your machines!”</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I know.” Tony kept flipping through the magazine reading every word without any regard for Loki’s anger.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“Tell me what you know since you keep looking over here at me like you know something I don't!” Tony just kept flipping through the magazine, forcing himself to stare blankly at the pages. </span>“You are not my babysitter Stark! I don’t need you constantly looking at me like you’re waiting for me to mess up somehow! I’m fine I’m following the doctor’s instructions I’m healing! You don’t have to sit there monitoring me waiting for me to make another mistake and get myself hurt again!”</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">After another minute of staring at the magazine, when Loki was just starting to consider throwing something at his head, Tony finally spoke.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">There was one thing that was true about Tony Stark, it was that he liked to argue. He had never backed down from a confrontation. This rule had held true for him since he was a little boy and if there was one subject he was always ready to fight and battle tooth and nail over it was Loki. So he didn’t know what to do when Tony just shrugged at him and said with the same blank stare “Ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki stared at Tony like he'd grown a second head. </span>
  <span class="s2">“Ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah. Ok. I’m not your babysitter. I agree with you. That’s not why I’m here and this was not your fault. You’re right.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Then.. Why are you here then?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Because I’m your best friend.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“What else?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“To make sure people don’t keep you from resting and healing.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Tony” Loki waited until Tony was finally looking up at him “What. Else? You’re waiting for something, I know it. You're ignoring me, you keep sending anyone away after they've been here for more than five minutes, what is it? What are you waiting for? Why do you keep looking at me like that like I'm some type of...”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki didn't even know how he planned to finish that sentence. Thankfully Tony sighed and finally put his magazine down, giving all of his attention to him and he looked exhasuted. “When are you going to stop pretending like nothing happened?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I mean how you sit over there in that hospital bed pretending like this didn’t have any effect on you. I mean how you keep using the people coming into your room as an excuse not to think about any of it and telling them I'm fine every five seconds without a second thought. I'm not ignoring you I'm staying quiet because you need to actually think about this and I'm not going to give you an escape from going through your own emotions because you're scared. I’m waiting for you to actually process this like you need to.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was strange, the mixture of relief and renewed anger that both violently filled Loki at the same time at those words. He was relieved because this meant his best friend wasn't giving up on him. He still loved him, he still had hope, but he was angry at his friend's assumptions. Whether he was mad at him for making statements about his mental health or because he was right Loki didn't know. Unfortunately, he had always been a lot better at expressing anger than relief. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Who are you to assume whether I'm ok or not? I’m fine Stark. This isn’t my first client or my second or my tenth as I’m sure you know and I don’t need you to coddle me. You don't get to say something did or did not do something to me just to make yourself feel more comfortable with the situation! Just because it would make more sense for you and make things easier if I was sitting over here crying my eyes out and begging you for help doesn't mean that's what I want to do! You don't get to decide that!”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Tony stood up from his chair and walked over to Loki. “For the record, I never assume your mental state princess. Not even now. I gather data, what’s the same what’s different, and I use that to see if you’re ok because no matter how good you are at lying to me with words, even you can only lie so much with your actions. So let me show you what’s changed with your actions since you woke up in this hospital bed.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Tony stood by Loki’s bed and held up his hand and slowly reached out to touch Loki on his arm. He saw it coming from a mile away, it was nothing sinister or malicious or dangerous but </span>
  <span class="s2">his body immediately curled away from the touch almost instinctually all the same and his mind immediately went to danger mode. “That’s different. I noticed it whenever your guests get too close to you when they're here. You even do it with Thor.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki glared at Tony but Tony ignored him. He took a step back so Loki could see him fully and he started removing his clothes. He took off his jacket and threw it in the chair behind him and Loki was fine but as soon as he started to reach for his shirt, it was difficult to keep calm. The two had seen each other naked more times than they could count, it wasn’t anything new. Tony had just helped him shower while he was injured, not for the first time, a few weeks ago but for some reason Loki couldn’t look at him as the shirt got up past his stomach without fear running through his heart. He looked away, his stomach turning and his mind still looking for ways to escape.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“That’s different. You never did that before.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"So I don't like being touched and I don't like people getting naked around me. That's all pretty normal."</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"It's not normal for you, and it's especially not normal for you when the person is me. This isn't how you normally act Loki."</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki glared at him. “So how long exactly have you been noticing all this?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Since you woke up. The first day there was so much going on that it was hard to notice. I told you that you needed to process what was going on and you said you didn't want to. At first I assumed that you wouldn't process it right then but eventually once things quieted down and everything was less hectic you would. Then you never did.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Are those all the differences your little observation gave you?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“No there are a few more things I’ve noticed, like how you get skittish whenever the nurse has to lift your gown to check your chest.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Again, most people are uncomfortable when people undress them.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Again, you're not most people, and being naked in front of strangers isn’t new to you or something you normally care about. You didn't care about that even before this whole arrangement with your father started. Then there’s the way you refuse to make eye contact with anyone.”</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">Loki didn’t even bother refuting that one. He wasn’t </span>even looking Tony in his eyes right now.</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">The two sat in the room silently, the tension getting worse and worse by the second. It was Loki who finally broke the silence, his words low and sour. “What do you want me to say? What do you want me to tell you that’s going to make you understand that I’m fine Tony? </span>There is no other shoe that’s going to drop, there is no mental breakdown that’s going to happen. I just need a day or two!”</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“You’re not fine Lokes. You’re not going to say anything to convince me otherwise. I’m here because I love you Loki and sooner or later you’re going to realize just how damaging what happened to you was and honestly, I don’t know if you’re going to be able to handle it. So I’m going to sit here and wait and when it happens I’ll be right by your side to help you.” The room went back to silence again before Tony finally spoke again. His voice was soft and hesitant as if he barely even wanted to speak the words he was saying out loud. "It's ok to not be ok you know. What happened was horrible. It's ok if you're not fine after that."</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki was immediately furious as soon as he said it. He turned to face the wall and glared holes into the tables by his bed instead of Tony's face. He counted to ten enough times to get to the thousands and brought himself back under control. He didn't want to think about that possibility. It was what he was specifically trying to avoid, the thought of him not being ok. The thought that he couldn't deal with this, that finally after everything, this one even broke something inside of Loki that he had barely been holding together with Tony's friendship and the hope of his father's love. Suddenly, that wasn't enough to fix it anymore. “Not every person who goes through something suddenly ends up a blubbering mess. I’m not a normal person you can’t expect me to have a normal reaction to these things.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I know that Loki. There are plenty of people who would be ruined for life by their father telling them to go have sex with his business associates and yet here you are but now, something is wrong Loki and you are hurting. I'm not saying this because of what happened I’m saying it because I know you well enough to recognize when something is wrong with you and this time, it's not something small or insignificant. It's something big.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"I'm fine." Loki didn't even believe it himself with how weak it sounded coming out of his mouth but at this point those two words were the only thing he had to hold on to in a vain hope of protecting what was left of his already fragile sanity and he hoped beyond all reason that Tony would just let him have it and wouldn't try to break it.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Tony took a deep breath and shook his head, clearly giving in for the day. “Tell you what: I was going to ask you to come back to my house after this to heal properly this time anyways. The school already knows what’s going on they don’t expect you to come in. I can bring you all your work just like before and you’ve put on enough tears for Thor. If you tell him you're not ready to go back to your house yet he'll believe you, that way you get to heal somewhere safe. Since you believe it’ll pass in a few days, since you really want to tell yourself you're fine, we’ll do a test in a few days to see if you're back to your old self. Ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It was a lot better than the alternative of staying at his house and risking Odin giving him out to more people as a free sample so Loki just nodded agreeing to the plan. Tony went back to his seat and continued to flip through his magazine without a word. Loki wanted to say something, he needed to say something, but before he could there was a knock at the door and it quickly opened a second later to reveal a nurse.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Good morning Mr. Odinson I have good news! You're ready to be discharged! I just have to do one last check of your chest and then the doctor will be in here to give you some instructions and help you out ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Loki nodded letting out a long stream of air through his nose at the interruption. She quickly walked over and lifted up a small section of his gown to look at his ribs. She could barely even see anything from the way she did it and she was very professional but Loki still had to try very hard and use all of his concentration to prevent himself from moving away and getting scared. He was proud that he didn't react, he acted like a normal patient and let the nurse look him over and he thought he had succeeded, but when he looked over at his best friend to see his reaction, he was still giving him that knowing look. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Mother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long wait I've had some new ideas (not necessarily for this story) and I wanted to develop them a bit. Also, warnings for discussions of rape and a warning that from here on out the story is going to get a bit more fast-paced.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Loki got back to Tony's house everything went from bad to worse. When he was at the hospital it took a lot of alligator tears to convince Thor but he finally relented and admitted that him being at Tony's house was probably for the best right now. He made him promise to call every day and tell him how he was doing and he had real tears in his eyes when he finally turned away from him and left. He didn't feel proud of manipulating his brother like that, but when the alternative was what it was, he had to accept it.</p>
<p>"I'm tired. I'm going to bed I'll talk to you later ok?" It was the first thing he said when he stepped in the house and he didn't look back to see Tony's response after. Normally, when he was at Tony's house he fell asleep on the couch or Tony's bed pretty much wherever Tony was honestly but today, he needed to be alone. They hadn't talked to him after their argument at the hospital. It was far from their worst fight, but they never reconciled quickly even after small ones. They were both stubborn and Loki didn't have the emotional energy to even attempt an apology right now.</p>
<p>He still refused to think about what happened and the impact it had on him. There was an impact and he knew it he just didn't know how deep it went, so he turned his thoughts to something more productive: how he was going to have an honest conversation with his father.</p>
<p>He already had his plan set in his mind and he knew it would work, he had plenty of past experience to know it would be effective. He just had to make sure he could do it at a time when his father couldn't strangle him during or immediately after because he was pretty sure he would have a few honest things to say of his own at that point.</p>
<p>Loki'd always known his dad didn't love him. Parents who loved their kids didn't treat them like this. Heck, parents who didn't even like their kids didn't go this far. He had been fine letting that voice in his head go locked away indefinitely until this. He wished he could say exactly what it was about this that hurt so much, what it was that made him want to cry and gave him the will to finally free himself. Although he supposed he really did know what was different about this time. He just didn't want to say it out loud. It would make it too real.</p>
<p>The good side was once he said he would no longer service clients anymore, there wasn't much his father could do to him. He was going to want to but it wasn't going to be possible and he would realize that once he calmed down enough. He couldn't hurt or injure him, Thor or the school would notice. He was sure Odin could find small ways to make his life a living hell but he had dealt with all of this for three years, he could deal with petty inconveniences for one.</p>
<p>Still, that left him to officially give up on his father's love forever, something he should've done years ago really. He was so ashamed of it, but even now, a tiny tiny voice in him told him things didn't have to change. He could heal at Tony's house and then go back to his house and pretend like everything was ok. He could start locking his doors or something and hide under his bed at night. He could pretend his father still loved him.</p>
<p>That wasn't a life. Hiding under his bed at night behind a locked door hoping his father didn't send someone to rape him was not a life. Spending his every waking hour thinking about the next adult he was going to sleep with for a crumb of fake affection was not a life. Becoming an abomination even to himself was not a life. He was finally letting himself see that and it hurt. It was a while before Tony eventually tried to contact him, but it did come and it came in the usual method.</p>
<p>'Mr. Odinson, Sir wants to know if you want to eat'</p>
<p>Loki almost wanted to laugh at Tony's not-so-subtle ploy to get him out of his room and his very familiar attempt at an apology. The two very rarely actually ever told each other they were sorry. They just did something for each other or said beat around the bush and let the other know that they loved them.</p>
<p>Tony knew he wasn't sleeping, he knew he was lying in bed inside his own head. In addition to being able to apologize, Tony of course had the selfish goal of being able to check on him and make sure he was ok even though Loki didn't want him to. It amazed Loki how even his selfish goals were still to take care of him. He sighed. </p>
<p>"Yes, I want to eat." There was a short pause before the AI came back to him again.</p>
<p>"Sir wants to know if you have any preference'</p>
<p>'Tell him I want pizza with mushrooms on my half and if they're not there this time I'm throwing a slice at his head."</p>
<p>'Right away sir.' there was another short pause before 'he wants to know if he gets it in the shape of a heart will you come to eat it with him?'</p>
<p>Loki honestly laughed at that, a light blush tinting his cheeks even now. He didn't know if he was laughing because of the question or because of his heart's overflowing love and appreciation for the genius even at a time like this. He loved Tony so much even when he got on his last nerve. He would always love Tony.</p>
<p>He slowly got to his feet and wiped his eyes, knowing trying to hide the signs of his tears was futile but attempting it anyway. </p>
<p> He went out to the living room and saw Tony fiddling on a screen fiddling with a project Loki had suggested to him forever ago. It was a basic machine in nature that Tony could definitely build if he desired to but its nature allowed it to constantly be upgraded and added on to, giving Tony infinite options on how to change and adapt it. "Did you really keep that thing?"</p>
<p>Tony turned his full attention to him immediately completely forgetting the toy in his hands. He stared at him for a second, mentally taking him in and trying to see if he was ok without actually having to ask because he knew Loki wasn't going to want to answer. "Of course I did, it came from you. It was the only thing keeping me from going to your room, to be honest."</p>
<p>"And yet you got me to come out here instead."</p>
<p>Loki felt bad at the guilty look on Tony's face. "Yeah..." The silence hung heavy in the air for a while, the two just looking at each other for a while before Tony slowly got up and started walking towards him. "Look Lokes, I know I can be pushy and irritating at times and we both know how I feel about the things you do but that doesn't give me the right to... I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're not ready to talk about what happened yet it's fine and heal at your own pace it's ok I just really want... I need you to be ok Lokes and I know I'm rambling at this point but-"</p>
<p>"Tony" Tony immediately snapped his mouth shut as Loki spoke. He slowly walked over to him and grabbed his friend bringing him into his arms. Tony gladly wrapped his arms around him being careful of his chest and buried his head on his chest. Loki placed a soft kiss on top of his head, ironically trying to comfort him.</p>
<p>"I just really need you to be ok. I care about you too much to see you broken." He could barely hear the words but he could hear them and he understood.</p>
<p>"I know Tony. It's ok. Come on, let's sit on the couch. We can watch a movie while we wait on the pizza."</p>
<p>They took up their usual places on the couch, Loki laying down against Tony's chest, Tony stroking his hair gently. "We don't have to do the test in a few days if you don't want to. It was wrong of me to suggest it."</p>
<p>Loki shook his head and took a breath that he wished was a lot less shaky than it was. "No. No, I need to know what this really did to me and the only way I'm going to get through it without a breakdown is if you're with me."</p>
<p>"I'll always be here for you Lokes you know that." The two stared at each other, Tony looked like there was something else he wanted to say but he knew better than to say it, at least the way he certainly wanted to. Those three words would not make any of this any easier. They would likely start another fight, they usually did when he said them that way, so Tony just left the conversation where it was.</p>
<p>'Sir, Thor is trying to reach you'</p>
<p>Both of them immediately shifted up even though he wasn't actually there. "Why is Thor calling me?"</p>
<p>Loki pulled out his phone and looked at the screen to see the thirty-six missed calls he had on his screen. Oh, his brother was going to kill him. Tony sighed as he looked over his shoulder and saw the problem. "Why didn't you answer?"</p>
<p>"I didn't even hear it ring! I don't know why he's called so many times I told him I would call tomorrow."</p>
<p>Tony sighed again running a hand through his hair not looking forward to what was about to happen. "Answer it, Jarvis. Put it on speakerphone."</p>
<p>Jarvis did so right away and as soon as they were connected, they heard Thor sounding frantic. "Tony! Is my brother there!"</p>
<p>"I'm right here Thor what is the matter?"</p>
<p>"Where have you been! I had called so many times I started to assume the worst!"</p>
<p>Loki sighed. "You just saw me at the hospital a few hours ago when I got discharged and you know I'm with Tony right now in his house. What could have possibly happened to me between now and then that was worth so much concern?"</p>
<p>"I don't know but when you didn't answer the phone I... We'll discuss it later I have to tell you something! I have wonderful news!"</p>
<p>"What is it, Thor?" Loki said starting to get a bit impatient. He didn't know what had Thor so excited but there were very few things he could tell him that would make Loki react with the same energy and giddy attitude that he did even if he was in a good mood.</p>
<p>"Mother's coming home!"</p>
<p>Everything froze. You could hear a pin drop it was so silent, and the tension was just as bad. Tony could see all of the color leave Loki's face. He could see the panicked and wild look in his eyes but Loki didn't care. "Brother? Brother, can you hear me? Mother's coming home."</p>
<p>"Yes Thor. I heard you." Loki's voice and face were tight. Tony tried to shift a little closer to him but he didn't even notice.</p>
<p>"What is wrong brother? I thought you would be excited." Thor sounded a bit worried, realizing this might not have been the best idea to tell his brother like this.</p>
<p>"Why is she coming home?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Why is she coming home, Thor?"</p>
<p>"To see us of course. Because she loves us. Are you ok Loki?"</p>
<p>"No Thor, I'm not ok. Why is she coming home <em>now</em>? Why all of a sudden like this when she was supposed to be gone another six months?" Thor fell silent and it did not help Loki's mood. "Thor, <em>does she know</em>?"</p>
<p>Loki's was starting to shake, his rage only barely contained waiting for the answer to his question he knew was coming to be fully unleashed on any unlucky soul in its path. "Does she know!"</p>
<p>"Loki... she's just concerned."</p>
<p>And the absolute look of fear and terror that washed over Loki's face in that moment was paralyzing. "Did you tell her?"</p>
<p>"I..."</p>
<p>"You told her! What is wrong with you!"</p>
<p>"She called while you were in the hospital, she got to a place with good cell reception and wanted to talk to us! She asked to talk to you I had to explain why she couldn't-"</p>
<p>"You told her I was in the hospital!"</p>
<p>"What was I supposed to tell her!"</p>
<p>"A lie an excuse I don't know Thor figure out something! Don't tell her I was in the hospital! What did you tell her I was there for?"</p>
<p>"I didn't!" The words rushed out of his mouth in a second, trying to appease his brother's anger.</p>
<p>"What do you mean you <em>didn't</em>."</p>
<p>"I told her it would probably be best if you told her."</p>
<p>"So she knows I was at the hospital and she doesn't know what for. Is that all she knows?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"When is she getting here?"</p>
<p>"I'm not sure. She says she's trying to find a plane out to us but the jet is tied up. Apparently, father is using it to send relief to a country that was recently hit by a storm and he's having trouble freeing it up." </p>
<p>There was silence for a second on the line while Loki took a second to take in all of this information and figure out what to do with it. "Loki for what it's worth I-"</p>
<p>"Thor just... just don't right now. I will talk to you later."</p>
<p>"Loki I-"</p>
<p>"Jarvis hang up."</p>
<p>The robot followed the command wordlessly while Loki sat on the couch going between seething rage and planning. Tony for his part sat as silently as he could giving him time to think over the problem.</p>
<p>At first, he sat there, seething in rage wanting to strangle Thor but there was no time for that. Whether he wanted her to or not, his mother was coming, and he had to get ready. Eventually Loki took quite a few deep breaths and turned to him.</p>
<p>"How long did the doctor say my ribs will take to heal?"</p>
<p>"Three more weeks, why?"</p>
<p>"Because that's how long we have until my mother is going to get here."</p>
<p>Loki immediately stood up and headed from the room and into the elevator, Tony immediately following him, a confused expression on his face. "Wait, wait, wait how do you know that?"</p>
<p>Loki scoffed. "What did you think my father was sending supplies to other countries because he's had a sudden change of heart? It's all a ruse. He's doing it so mother won't be able to use the jet. He'll keep her away until I'm fully healed or close to fully healed so that she won't be able to see the extent of the damage."</p>
<p>Loki stepped out of the elevator into one of the lower levels that was used to house some of his father's projects.</p>
<p>"Ok so what are you going to do?"</p>
<p>"I can't hide what happened form here. Thor took that option away when he told her I was in the hospital and if I lie, his big mouth and bleeding heart will spill the story to her eventually, so a total lie won't work."</p>
<p>"And a half-lie?"</p>
<p>Loki smirked. "That's exactly what I had in mind. I'll edit some of the details to make them a bit more... appropriate considering the situation. Something Thor can't contradict and something father won't contradict. In the meantime, at the very least if I'm going to go through all of that I'm going to take advantage of the opportunity this terrible situation has presented to me."</p>
<p>"Opportunity? What opportunity?" Loki was walking quickly through the rows of tables looking for the experiment he wanted. "Loki! Loki stop, what opportunity are you talking about?"</p>
<p>"I needed a safe situation where Odin wouldn't be able to retaliate to make him tell me the truth. I was hoping I could use one that wouldn't cause me so much emotional stress and anguish but with my mother here, he will not be able to lay a finger on me. Whenever she's home he never does."</p>
<p>"That still doesn't explain how you're going to make him tell the truth. He's not going to tell you of his own free will."</p>
<p>"You're right he won't." Loki stopped, finally finding the item he wanted. He took one vial of the pain reliever from the tray, the same pain reliever that was always used on him when Tony had to patch him up. "Which is why I'm going to take his free will away from him."</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Two Chair Therapy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning I guess for therapy! Also warnings for mentions of rape and suicidal thoughts this is not a happy chapter. I'm actually considering posting summaries at the start of chapters so that people who want to can skip chapters that are triggering and still know what's going on with the story. Please know, I am not a trained psychologist (I'm working to become one but I'm not there yet) so don't take what happens here as actual therapy it's therapy in the losest interpretation because I'm not qualified to say what proper therapy looks like but then again, Tony and Loki aren't either. Although, as weird as it may seem this actually is a psychotherapeutic technique that some therapists use even to this day. I just don't think they use it exactly like this (I'm pretty sure the therapist guides more of the conversation and asks more of the questions than the client and the client doesn't normally switch back and forth so fast ) but hey, it's a story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days later, Tony was guiding Loki to an unknown location inside his house. It was the day of the test Tony had spoken of and Loki wasn't exactly excited for it. "Tony where are we going?"</p><p>"Somewhere we can perform the test."</p><p>Loki dreaded this day, he had since Tony first mentioned doing this but now that he was actually headed to it, he just now started to think about what this test could actually be. "Do you actually know what you're doing or is this just something silly?"</p><p>"Nah this is an actual thing they do in therapy I heard about it from a friend of my mom's when I overheard her talking about it one day."</p><p>"So you are going to take me to attempt a form of <em>actual </em>therapy without any training or real knowledge besides the information your mom's friend randomly told her one day that you overheard."</p><p>"That's correct yes." Loki didn't have the words to describe how terrible this idea was. Tony didn't need to turn around to see the look Loki was giving him behind his back. "I also did some research of my own a few days after that when I couldn't get it out of my head and I brushed up on that research again yesterday to prepare for this. In all theory, it can only go but so wrong even in the worst-case scenario."</p><p>"Oh, only so wrong. Joy I'll keep that in mind. So now in addition to being an unofficial medic, you have also become an unofficial psychologist to help keep me safe."</p><p>"Hey, I'll gladly be the first to say it. I'm great."</p><p>"And so humble too."</p><p>"And so humble too," Anthony agreed with a smile as they finally reached the room they were heading to. He pushed it open and walked inside. Loki was surprised to see that it was his dad's office. Tony hated coming to his dad's office. He once told Loki long ago that the only times he ever went there was as a kid to be yelled at or beaten. Loki looked at him in confusion.</p><p>"Tony what's going on. What are we doing here?"</p><p>"I needed a place with two armchairs, sitting fairly close to each other and not much else in the room to distract the eye, and since the only other thing in here is the desk, I figured it would work for our purposes." Tony tried to make it sound casual but Loki could still see that he wasn't completely comfortable being here.</p><p>Loki walked in slowly, uncertainly taking steps forward when he saw Tony still standing by the door. "Aren't you going to come in?"</p><p>Tony shook his head. "No, I'm gonna stay back here. Sit down in one of the armchairs."</p><p>"If I'm sitting in one chair and you're standing back there, who's going to be in the other chair."</p><p>"Also you." Loki looked back at Tony confused. "Don't look at me just do your best to relax."</p><p>"It would help me relax if you told me what we're doing."</p><p>"I'll explain everything just turn around first." Loki did as he was told after one last confused look. "This is going to sound strange, and it's going t feel strange, but I need you to do your best to do as I say. This is a type of therapy called the two-chairs technique or method. You're essentially going to have a conversation with yourself."</p><p>"A conversation with myself?" Loki sounded like he wanted to turn around and give Tony another skeptical glance but he refrained.</p><p>"Yes. See, here's how it's going to work. The chair that you're sitting in is going to be before the hospital you. The you in the other chair is going to be after hospital you and you two are going to have a talk."</p><p>"A talk about what?"</p><p>"About you. How you're doing how you see yourself how you feel, everything."</p><p>"So what, I'm just supposed to switch back and forth between two different versions of me talking to myself?"</p><p>"Yup."</p><p>"And you expect me to not feel silly doing that?"</p><p>"To be honest with you, it'll probably feel extremely silly at first but you're apparently supposed to get more into it the longer it goes on and the more stuff you uncover."</p><p>"Do I have to switch chairs?"</p><p>"Not if you don't want to."</p><p>Loki stared at the chair for a second and then huffed, not loving the idea. Loki tried to imagine himself sitting in the other chair. A different version of him. A slightly more tired-looking version of himself. "What am I supposed to say?"</p><p>"How would you start a conversation with someone normally?"</p><p>Loki stared at the imaginary Loki sitting in the chair looking at him. What the hell. It could only go so badly. He closed his eyes and slowly fell into the little world he was creating, trying to get lost in it. Before the hospital him started.</p><p>"Hello. You're looking well."</p><p>"Is that a joke?" Loki was slightly surprised at how readily the response came but he just shook his head and rolled with it.</p><p>"Why would it be a joke?"</p><p>"Look at me. Exactly what part of me looks well to you?"</p><p>"It's just a broken rib, it'll heal. We've had worse."</p><p>"Worse physical damage maybe."</p><p>"That's all we really have to worry about"</p><p>"I thought the whole point of this was to consider the mental damage as well."</p><p>"We've never considered that before. Why start now? It was perfectly fine locked up in the back of our minds, let it stay there. Everything was good when we pretended there wasn't any mental damage."</p><p>"No, it wasn't. Everything was terrible you just wouldn't admit it to yourself. You were too much of a coward. It was the only thing to hold you at night, besides the grown-ups who fell asleep on top of you after they were done with you."</p><p>"That was harsh."</p><p>"And necessary. You need to wake up. This isn't good for you, it's never been good for you."</p><p>"I never said it was good for me."</p><p>"And yet you refuse to acknowledge what it does to you. You refuse to admit how it hurts you when your brother keeps looking around to find the thing that's hurting you and you keep intentionally hiding it from him knowing it makes him feel like a failure as a brother. He's always looking nervous and on guard always trying to find the thing that's hurting his little brother but he can't see it and you won't let him because you believe if he does he'll see as nothing but an abomination."</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>"You refuse to acknowledge the look of concern in your mother's eyes when she sees you because her son who used to be so happy and alive looks half dead whenever he sees her. She gets to see you once a year if your lucky and she spends half of that time trying to figure out why your eyes look so guarded, why you always look so tired."</p><p>"Shut up! I'm fine! I've held myself together this long! I don't need you to make me question it now!"</p><p>"You've been holding yourself together? No you haven't! That statement is so untrue it's laughable! Tony has held you together, both physically and mentally and you selfishly keep letting him!"</p><p>"I'm not selfish I just-"</p><p>"How many times has he had to bandage you! Or held you because you wouldn't stop crying! How many nights has he had to stay up with you and keep you safe and hide you away at his house and every time you see the terrified look in his eyes and still you keep going back! He's the only reason why you're doing this now! All of this pain and trauma that you've always known you had and you never actually went through all of it until now because Tony's here to make you! You have never held yourself together! He's been here for you since the very beginning doing it for you!"</p><p>"He's my friend it's not bad to lean on your friends when you need it!"</p><p>"You're also not supposed to drag them down with you! You know it's selfish, you know it! You see the pain in his eyes every time you ask him to help you but every time he tries to tell you your father doesn't love you you ignore him!"</p><p>"I don't want to drag him down!"</p><p>"Then stop leaving him for Odin! Stop running away from the one person who has been there for you since the very beginning just to go be used by someone who only cares if you're dead or alive because his friends don't like necrophilia!"</p><p>"Odin-"</p><p>"Odin sent a man in the middle of the night to rape you and then arranged for him to be able to sleep with you again once you're better! He's going to have you sleep with your rapist just so he can make some money! He barely looks at you when he doesn't need you to sleep with someone! He doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you, he doesn't <em>want </em>you! What part of that won't you get!"</p><p>"I just want a father! I just want a father is that so bad of me to want a dad who loves me? To be able to believe that I mean something to him."</p><p>"No, it's not bad, but it's not going to happen either. He's not going to love you and you know it's true. Don't you want to heal from that? It'll hurt you to let go of the illusion of what you want him to be but it will hurt infinitely more to keep going. Don't you want to be better? To live a happy life? To see your brother and your mom not have to worry about you? To see Tony not have to be scared that one day you truly will break and he'll lose you forever. As much as you love Odin, don't you love yourself enough to want better for yourself?"</p><p>"You already know I don't."</p><p>"Then, if you can't love yourself that much, can't you at least love the people around you enough to want better? Can't you love your mom that much or Thor that much or Tony that much to want to heal for them? They're hurting just as much as you are from this."</p><p>Loki slowly opened his eyes after that question. He wasn't able to answer that question. If he was being honest he didn't know if he loved anyone that much, enough to fully give up on his father's love forever. He was willing to let everyone suffer just so he could pretend something. He felt like he was suffocating. He could breathe quite enough and the only thing going through his mind was a dark cloud of hopelessness. This was hopeless, it was all hopeless because no matter what he did, Odin would always have his grip on him and Loki didn't want him to let it go.</p><p>He heard soft footsteps behind him and saw Tony, not looking too great himself standing behind him. He had to hear all of that. He had to sit here and take on yet another burden he had to carry for Loki's sake. He was no friend to Tony. Friends didn't do this to the people they loved. "Hey, Lokes. How do you feel?"</p><p>"I want to go to sleep."</p><p>"Oh, ok." Tony said slowly getting a little closer. "Like for a nap?"</p><p>"No. Forever."</p>
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